Some Tips for Winter Weather

It is really f'ing cold out. So cold, in fact, that as soon as you walk outside, you can feel the little hairs in your nose freeze. That's cold.

My mornings start with Hank. I drag my butt out of bed and take Hank for a walk. These days, the walks are very short. Hank doesn't own any clothing (I tried to buy him a sweater and it didn't fit. It didn't seem right to have my dog try on clothes in the middle of Petsmart, but apparently, that is what people do). So, with no extra protection, I don't take Hank outside for very long. When I'm all bundled up in seventeen layers, one of which is a long down coat, and I'm freezing, I figure he shouldn't be out there in his doggy nakedness.

This morning was really cold, and my poor little nose felt like it was freezing. Since I took the train today, I decided that this was a situation that needed attending to. So, I took an extra scarf and wrapped it around my head like Randy in A Christmas Story. I thought I was so smart as I walked to the train. I was cold, but my nose was ok. And, since I'd left my mouth uncovered, it looked like I would get away without all that gross condesation that usually happens when you put a scarf over your face.

Not so much. I got to the train and I noticed something in my line of vision - like a stray hair or lint or something. I took off my mitten and tried to remove it. It was not lint. It was water. Not only had my nose been creating some lovely moisture, but my eyes, in an attempt to save themselves from freezing in their sockets, had started to tear. So, My eyes were not just glassy but totally wet. My mascara? Now all over my hand and, I presumed, my eyes. So, I got on the train, took off the second scarf and grabbed a little mirror that I have in my purse. Yep, raccoon eyes.

So, I try to wipe them clear. It's not really happening. Of course, I have no tissue in my bag, so I'm stuck with my hands.

Except.

Well, here's the thing. When Aunt Flo comes to visit, I generally keep pad wrappers for use in disposal of used ones. I recently got a coupon for Kotex, and so I bought some. I think I shall use them exclusively now. Kotex wrappers are different - they're sort of clothy instead of plastic. I happened to have one in my purse. Since it was all clothy and soft, I used it to clean up my eyes. I'm not ashamed to say. Well, ok I'm a little ashamed, but not too much. I even used it to blow my nose once the eyes were taken care of.

So, here are my winter weather tips:

1. Use waterproof mascara in really cold weather to prevent a problem like mine.
2. Carry tissues in your purse.
3. If you don't carry tissues, then switch to Kotex and keep a wrapper in your purse.