T-Mobile, You Make Me Sad

I just sent a long and rambling e-mail to T-Mobile's customer support. I doubt I'll get a response, but we'll see.

I have been using a phone that I got in 2003. I had briefly switched to a Razr that a friend unlocked for me, but it stopped getting software updates and was getting buggy. I switched back and am generally happy with the old phone, but the call quality is not as good as I would like it to be and I am eligible for an upgrade, so I started looking for new phones.

I finally found one I liked and went to order it online. That's when I discovered that T-Mobile has instituted an $18 upgrade fee. This is not new news, but it was new to me. T-Mobile support says that the fee is for shipping and handling, which they advertise as free, but that first link indicated that it is really to offset the cost of subsidized phones for new customers.

I like to get myself all worked up over things like this. I am a firm believer that customer service is more important than saving a few bucks. I have no idea if T-Mobile is the best carrier, has the best network, or the cheapest prices. They did have very reasonable prices when I signed up, but that was in 2001 and might not be true anymore. I stayed with them because of their customer service. Now, I'm annoyed. Here's my complaint:

I have been a loyal T-Mobile customer since 2001. In 2005, I convinced my husband to switch to T-Mobile. I have stayed with T-Mobile, and recommended you to others, because of your customer service.

I haven't upgraded my phone in at least two years, and was surprised when I went to checkout and saw the $18 upgrade fee.

Your website says the fee is for the administrative costs of an upgrade - shipping and handling. But choosing the express shipping, which is not “free,” doesn’t eliminate the charge. Shipping UPS ground from Albuquerque, NM to Des Plaines, IL (where I live) is $10.03. Since I'm ordering online, and not on the phone with a person whose salary you have to pay, it is clear this is not a handling charge.

After some searching, I see that the fee was established in November, 2007, and is generally assumed to offset the cost of subsidized phones for new customers. This is poor business planning on your part. I am willing to sign up for a new, two-year contract to get a new phone. My contract costs should cover the cost of the phone over time and, given my history of staying with one phone for much longer than my contract time and rarely using even half of my plan minutes, I think you are getting a pretty good deal with me as a customer. I pay my bills on time, use less of your services than I pay for, and rarely ask for new phones.

Since my contract has expired, there is no reason for me not to look for another carrier, where I won't have to pay an extra fee for a new phone. This fee shows disrespect for your customer and erases all of the goodwill my previous experiences have created. It is easy to charge the same fees your competitors are charging, but, by joining them, you’ve eliminated what distinguished T-Mobile from the others in the first place. I hope someone over there comes to their senses and eliminates this fee. Until then, I’ll stick with my old phone and start shopping around for another network.

We'll see if I hear anything from them, but I doubt it.

Random Thoughts

1. Can someone tell me why Hanes decided to go with a campaign filled with homo-erotic undertones? I never got Kevin Bacon & Micheal Jordan playing grab-ass, and I really don't get Cuba Gooding Jr. "inadvertently" yelling embarrassing, easily-misinterpreted things like "I'm wearing your underwear!"

2. I have planted a ton of seeds this year. My miscalculation was that a) I might remember where I planted them, b) that I might remember what I planted and c) that I have the patience to wait for seeds to grow. Now I just want to go buy more flowers and plant them because waiting for seeds BLOWS.

3. This American Life is on-demand with WOW cable. Season 1 stops being available today. :(

4. WOW's DVR sucks ass. Way worse than Dish Network's. But I hated Dish Networks DVR so much, that it almost makes the craptastic WOW one ok. Like, if I can't have Tivo, I REALLY can't have it.

5. Our old Tivo died this weekend. :( RIP Barry. (I named my Tivo Barry. I don't know why. Possibly because we got the Tivo not long after we got Hank and Barry was one of the names I considered for Hank).

An Open Letter to Steve Jobs

Dear Steve,

Can we talk?  I have some issues with the iPod.  I think you are missing the mark with what the average consumer wants and needs in a portable audio device.  I am an avid music fan, and I think I have a good perspective on what your customers are looking for.  My current iPod, which is about three years old, is a fourth-generation 'pod - 20G, click wheel, no color screen.  It's still trucking along, but it will soon need to be replaced.  Speaking of which: kudos on the recycling program.  I would normally buy any electronics from Crutchfield, but I'm going to an Apple store instead. 

Here's my issue: the current iPod lineup doesn't fit my listening needs.  I would guess that my iTunes library is on the high-side of average.  I have just over 17G of music in my library and just over 1G of podcasts.  On my iPod, I keep about 16G of stuff - nearly the whole library, but not quite.  

The "small" iPod classic has 80G of memory.  This is insane, nearly the same amount of memory as my MacBook.  The nano, at just $50 less, has only 8G of memory.  The small size is very appealing and, at just under $200, the price is perfect.  However, I can't quite carry all that I want to have with me.  It doesn't make sense to buy the 8G nano when for an extra $50, I can have ten times the memory.  But the iPod classic seems like over-kill.  Don't even get me started on the 160G model.  Who has the capacity to have all of that music on one computer?  Who is the target customer there?  Even if that is designed to hold movies and TV shows, who has the space on a hard drive to store it at home?

The perfect iPod is only available in the iPod Touch - 32G.  But, at $500, that's a little too rich for my blood.  Plus, I have no desire to go online or check my email with an iPod.  I just want to keep myself occupied on the commute to and from work, and on vacation. 

The problem, I think, is in the plan for the nano.  Just because people want something small, doesn't mean they want less capacity.  If they wanted just a few songs, they'd go for a Shuffle.  I want something small, that I can put in my purse without adding too much weight to what I carry around.  

Here's my vision for the product line: Shuffle: 2G & 4G; Nano: 10G & 32G; Classic: 80G, & 160G; Touch - do whatever you want.  The people who buy this just want an iPhone but for whatever reason don't want AT&T.

Another Word on Weddings

I had no idea what was involved in planning a wedding before I planned one. Whenever I was invited to a wedding I tried to be polite and generally not bother the couple as much as possible. I think most people do this. I have tried not to be bridezilla, and I think I've done a fairly good job, but I just have to rant a little bit.

When you get a pre-addressed, pre-stamped rsvp card, please use it. I know that your life is complicated, and it takes time to figure things out, so I understand that you can't respond by the next day. However, there is a reason that there is a date you are supposed to respond by. It's because I have to tell the caterer how much food I need, and I have to pay for that food. If you haven't responded by the week before the wedding, respond that you are not coming. They are assuming you are not coming. Either don't do anything or respond with a no. This applies even as you are approaching 90. Yes, we can make room for one more, but please don't be offended that your name is not listed on the seating chart. It's because I did the seating chart more than three days before the wedding.

If you are invited to a rehearsal dinner. Respond. Most rehearsals are small and one person can make a big difference.

If you are strapped for cash, and need a place to stay, figure it out before the week of the wedding. If you don't, don't ask bridesmaids who are coming from out of town if you can stay with them. It puts them and inevitably, the bride, in an awkward situation. Also, if you read this and feel bad, don't call me and apologize. It's ok. I know, you didn't mean to offend, or anything, but you were busy and didn't get to it. I know. But I just had to get that off my chest.

The Shortest Torso in the World

Apparently, my torso is freakishly short. I've always known that it was on the short side, but I just thought my legs were long for my body. I mean, that sounds better, right? I have really long legs v I have a really short torso... it just sounds better.

One time, a year or so ago, a friend of mine learned that the length of your arms from the tip of one middle finger, across your back, to the other middle finger, is supposed to be equal to your height. She was very excited about this information and insisted on measuring everyone. My wingspan is like 4'11" or something like that. I am 5'3" (and a half! I'm tall! ok, no). This, I thought, supported my theory that my legs are long for my body.

But, no. It seems my body is short for my legs.

I went to Ann Taylor Loft yesterday, on the advice of a friend who said that they have a great petites section with lots of stuff cut for our height (she is probably an inch shorter than me). While I did get a super cute, black, linen, trumpet skirt, I could not find any kind of top that fit me.

I recently applied for a job, and while I still don't have an interview, I am naturally shopping for my interview outfit (though I will not be wearing the skirt I bought. Linen on an interview is a bad idea. You want to look crisp and put-together, not all wrinkly).

ATL had these short-sleeve button-down shirts that seemed perfect. First, they were a shade of blue that really looked good with my eyes - kind of soft, gray-blue - and they had darts so it was fitted and was made of a material with a little give, but no so much Lycra that it never looks pressed. Plus, the first button was placed perfectly... You know what? I'm just going to find a link to it. Hold on... Here. The v-neck is perfect in that it opens up my face, and isn't too low where I'd be worried about being indecent.

So, I grabbed two - the size I was before I lost weight, and the size I usually am now. I've found that petites tend to be slightly smaller than regulars and I still have a bit of a tummy, so sometimes fitted shirts have to be a size up. I optimistically tried on the smaller size first. Too big. Not a lot, and I worried that the next size down would really show the tummy, but it was all weird in the boob area, so I tried the next size down. Now, it was definitely as small as I could go, but the boob part was all goofy. Then I realized, it wasn't that my boobs were to small. I picked it up at the shoulder seams and folded it about an inch. The darts raised up to the proper position, so that my chest was where it should be, the waist just skimmed along my tummy and the bottom on the shirt was perfectly placed so that you could wear it untucked and still look good because it was clearly meant to be untucked.

So, even in the petite sizes, my torso is too small. They seem to decrease/increase the shirt in every way every two sizes or so. Because women who wear a petite twelve are taller than a woman who wears a petite four. Because no one is just bigger. Right? It is so frustrating. When I was heavier, it was downright hilarious trying to find tailored women's shirts. By the time I got a size big enough to fit my width, I would generally have about six extra inches of height on a shirt that had no where to go. It is frustrating to find that, even now, at a pretty healthy weight, I'm still not the right proportion. Because I'm not 100 pounds, and I'm under 5'6", most clothes just don't fit. Of course, I could starve myself for the next six months, lose ten or twenty pounds until I fit into a small enough shirt that the proportions have shrunk, but I just don't think it is worth it.

Good thing I like my tailor. I wonder how hard it is to adjust a blouse?

Sigh

Sometimes, family is tough. I have a cousin who is a very fun guy. He is always coming up with great ideas for excursions and vacations and throws a really good party. However, he is also frequently completely clueless to the world around him.

He sent out a mass email to a bunch of us (cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, etc) about a party that was about two and a half months away. Just a heads up that we'd be getting an evite from a friend of his who we probably don't know. The party was scheduled for the same day as the shower being thrown for Mr & me.

He would have no way of knowing this, since the invites hadn't gone out yet. So, I replied to everyone to say that my shower was that same date. (In my family, we throw couples showers, so it is really more of a party that involves everyone and is generally later at night - dinner and whatnot). One person (another cousin, not the one throwing this party) responded, saying he hadn't heard about that yet and he and his wife might have another commitment.

My cousin just sent out another notice with the evite for the party, which the date hasn't changed, saying they want to get a head count. It is still over a month away and, as far as I know, the invites for my shower have yet to go out. Cousin's party starts at 7. My party is supposed to be a barbecue - so it will probably start around 5:30 or 6. Mr says I shouldn't worry - Cousin and his younger brother (who is scheduled to sing and play guitar at Cousin's party) will be the only ones who leave. However, at least one of my uncles has already responded to the evite saying they will be there.

I'm not inviting many friends to the shower - only the people in my wedding party - so, this is really a family affair. I'm worried that all of the younger cousins will ditch the shower early to go to Cousin's party, leaving me and Mr with my older relatives and my parents' friends, resulting in exactly the type of situation Mr was dreading in the first place, which is why he didn't want a shower.

Of course, his groomsmen and wives will most likely be there so, it won't be a total loss. I like all of those guys and their wives & girlfriends. We'll have fun. But I can't help but feel like I keep getting screwed out of what all of my other cousins have gotten when they were at this point in their lives. It seems like everything I do for our wedding is somehow scheduled inconveniently, and I'm tired of getting teased/asked about it (our actual wedding date is the same as the Notre Dame/USC game and the vast majority of my family is BIG ND fans/alumni). I know that I'm overreacting a little bit. I mean, if they don't want to be there, why would I want them there? And maybe, when they get the invitation, they'll change their plans and be there for me. And I am at a particularly hormonal time of the month, so maybe next week this will seem like no big deal. However, at the moment, I just wish that I wasn't always second to something else and a bit of an inconvenience for everyone. I wish that everyone was as excited for my wedding as they have been for everyone else's.

Geez. I'm really good at the whole self-pitying thing.

Cell Phones Upset Me

When it comes to high-tech gadgets, I have something of a split personality. While I love the newest, latest, most high-tech things, I don't have the uncontrollable urge to get them for myself. I usually know what's out there, but it takes me a while to get them myself. I just got the Shuffle, which I'm loving, but I didn't buy an iPod until they'd been out for a couple of years, and when I did buy it, I waited until the color-screen version was just released, and then I bought the old two-tone screen one on sale.

When it comes to cell phones, I want something new and fancy, and I'm jealous of friends who get new fancy stuff. However, I myself just want something that I think looks cool and has good sound quality. I like having a camera, because then I can have a picture of Hank on my phone, but all the other bells and whistles tend to not tempt me.

I have been using the Samsung t509 from T-Mobile, and I hate it. At first, I really liked it. It is very slim and everything about it was good. Except that, when the keys were locked it would sometimes dial SOS, and I would take it out of my purse to discover that it was dialing an emergency call. T-Mobile couldn't fix it, so they sent me a replacement. The replacement is... not good. I almost always have trouble hearing the people I'm talking to, and I've heard that my voice breaks up, too. This isn't really something they can fix since, technically, it works. It just isn't as good as the first one I got. Plus, though it is skinny, it is really tall and frequently, it pokes out of my pocket. Part of this is the fact that clothing manufacturers seem to think that pockets are for decoration on women's clothes, but that is a topic for a different rant.

The point is: I don't like the phone. But, I paid for it - actually called them up and paid them money for a phone, when I had one that worked perfectly (which I also bought instead of waiting until my contract could be renewed and getting a low-tech phone for free).

Which made my friend giving me the free Razr he got from At&t perfect - cool, new phone, completely free.

Except that it is locked to at&t's network. T-Mobile said they could unlock it, but they can't. At&t probably won't help me - I'm not their customer, and carriers are notoriously stingy about unlocking phones because then you could use them for anything you want! You could keep your phone and switch networks! The horror! They also will be unlikely to help my friend who is new to them, and therefore has no pull. He thinks because he just spend $600 on the iPhone, they should, but he gave that money to Apple, not them, and I think they won't care.

I have another friend who has been with Cingular for over ten years, and I'm hoping that she'll call for me, but who knows.

Right now, I think I'm going to go back to my old phone, which works fine and is very cute. I just wish I never bought the stupid Samsung to begin with.

*Edited to add: If anyone is interested in my Samsung - when I got it, people seemed to think it was cool - drop me an email, and we can work something out. I would be happy to find it a new home. The guilt of paying for something and not using it would be alleviated if someone else was going to use it. If you're already on T-Mobile, this could be very easy indeed. Drop me a line at: recordstorerita at hotmail dot com

I've Had a Revelation

You probably don't watch professional wrestling, but you might have heard of the recent tragedy involving Chris Benoit. Google News reports over 2,200 stories on it as of tonight. This isn't really surprising, as horrific crimes are often the subject of intense media attention, even when there is no new information to report.

I can't say anything about what happened. I am a fan of pro wrestling, but I can't say that I have any particular insight on why someone who seemed completely normal would snap and kill their family and themselves. However, I am totally fascinated by how the mainstream media is approaching this story. They seem to have no concept at all about what they're reporting on.

Vince McMahon canceled Monday Night Raw this week and instead aired a tribute to Benoit. The WWE only knew that Benoit and his family had been found dead, so there was no reason to think that Benoit himself was responsible. All of the people associated with the tribute talked about this man who was their friend, who they respected, and who they would miss. Throughout his career he had made a lot of friends and won a lot of respect for being a talented wrestler. I'm not trying to defend him, only to explain why the WWE gave him a tribute - no one would have ever thought he was capable of what he did.

Now the WWE is on the defensive, because there is no easy explanation. They issued a statement commenting on the media's speculation on how steroids played a role in the incident. I would link to it for you, but the WWE has taken down all reference to this from their site. You can, however, check out the Today's show site and see the video of McMahon's interview with Meredith Viera.

I was all about Meredith when she replaced Katie Couric. However, now I have to say, I think she's just as dumb as Katie. She quoted their press release, which said that steroids were not and could not have been involved in this crime. Now, that's a little strong, but if you had read it, you would understand that the point was that this was not a crime caused by "'roid rage." Whatever caused it, it wasn't sudden, uncontrollable rage. Meredith wasn't quite getting that. McMahon said "There was no way of telling this man was a monster. No way of knowing that whatsoever. He was a mild-mannered individual." She responds with "In anyway does pro wrestling contribute to the creation of monsters?"

Really, Meredith? This is what you're asking? Not, were there any indications that he was unwell or if he did anything out of the usual or any other question of any relevance. No, you have to ask if McMahon is creating monsters.

Here's my revelation: Professional Wrestling is to men what Romance Novels are to women. Millions of people enjoy both and yet the mainstream media and just about anyone you run into will deride them as stupid and providing unrealistic expectations in people. Romance novels are accused of creating unrealistic expectations in their readers (which implies that romance readers are so stupid that they base their expectations of reality on the novels they read)*. When someone hears you watch wrestling, they usually says something along the lines of "you watch that? It's so fake." Yes, I know it is fake. When you watch Law & Order, do you think that the murder victims are really dead? Do you think Uma Thurman is really a karate expert and can hold her own against 88 ninja-like assassins?

Mainstream media has the hardest time understanding this. It's entertainment, it's right there in the name. It is essentially a soap opera played out in and around a wrestling ring. The athleticism is real (for most wrestlers, anyway, I have no explanation for Mick Foley's continued presence. He looks like a flight of stairs would kick his ass), but everything else is fake. When they punch each other, they pull the punches. When they're in a "submission hold," they're really just resting. Sometimes, they really get hurt, because it is a dangerous job. I mean, you can't fake jumping off of a thirty-foot ladder. You can learn the best way to land, but gravity doesn't pull punches.

In the article on the Today Show site, they mention Mr. McMahon's recent "death." They talk about how the WWE publicists "claimed" the FBI was investigating it. Um... hello, Today Show? It's FAKE. It's a story! The WWE website is an extension of the show. It's like Margene's blog on HBO's Big Love site. Margene doesn't really exist. "Mr. McMahon" is a character played by Vince McMahon, and his death was part of the story. McMahon doesn't frequently do interviews and whatnot, so you never see him out of character. It's still a character.

To suggest that pro wrestling creates monsters is not only stupid, it's insulting. We know what we're watching is fake, it's only the idiots who think they're too smart for it who think any of it might be real. They're entertainers. They are playing characters. The entertainers who work for the WWE aren't that different from boxers, high school/college/Olympic wrestlers (actually, Kurt Angle, who now wrestles for TNA is an Olympic wrestler), fencers or any other athletes who participate in sports where the goal is to physically dominate your opponent. No one suggested that boxing creates monsters when people found out that Mike Tyson was beating his wife. It is generally acknowledged that Tyson is a little crazy and he wasn't seen as a reflection of the sport as a whole. So why the insanity over professional wrestling?

Mr thinks that this may be the beginning of the end of professional wrestling. That every bad thing anyone ever associated with wrestling has ever done will start to come out and USA will be forced to cancel it. I hope he's wrong. I hope they find out what happened to Chris Benoit so that the many people who looked up to him and called him a friend can find some closure. But I really hope that this one person - who, it seems to me, clearly suffered a severe psychotic break - doesn't define and bring down all of professional wrestling.


*There are many other stupid things that people accuse romance novels of, but I think this is most insulting to the millions of people who read romances.

100 Posts, and I Still Have No Direction

Ok. So. 100 posts. Wow

This particular post has no aim. Or, rather, I could separate this out into four or so posts, but we both know I won't get around to it. So, feel free to wander and ignore what you choose.

Last Weekend's Unfortunate Events
Nothing horribly bad happened last weekend, but I referred to it as bad in the last post, so I was going for consistency. I was playing with Hank, kicking a soccer ball around the house. Hank loves this. It is a rather old ball and he can sort of pick it up, but mostly Hank is the most awesome goalie ever and has mad stopping skills with his paws. It cracks me up. So, I was kicking a ball around the house, and ... well. We all know I'm not coordinated. I sort of kicked the corner of the wall. I caught the wall with my little toe. It hurt.

For a while I thought the toe was broken. Then, it turned purple and I thought for sure it was broken. Two days later, it was feeling so much better, I though it was a-ok. Friday I took Hank for a walk, was startled by a big big dog, jumped, and it hurt again. Sunday I was feeling pretty dandy, accidentally kicked Mr's boots (which were NOT where they belong) and now it hurts worse than ever.

The upside is that I bowled really well last week with an injured toe. I hoping to repeat the process this week.

March Madness is Dead
Though I may have made some good points in my bracket article, my bracket fell apart this week. Who would have thought that there could possibly be a repeat of last year's championship? I had Ohio State going all the way. But, since Ohio is the only one of my final four teams to actually make it, I'm mathematically eliminated from the pool. I guess Mavis' plan wasn't such a bad one after all.

Jayson Stark Rocks
If you enjoy sports writing at all, I highly recommend checking out Jayson Stark at espn.com. He's their senior baseball writer, and I love him. The only thing I don't love is that a lot of his columns are "insider" so, you have to pay to read them. However, I recently tried to find his articles (I wrote about it here). I wanted his articles for an assignment I was working on. I didn't take Mano's advice and look at my library, I just used a different article from Women's Health Magazine.

But I emailed Stark. I loved those articles on the White Sox. He sometimes writes about baseball in a way that brings forth all the feeling of all the reasons why I love it, if that makes any sense. Anyway. This weekend, he wrote me back! And sent me the articles! Who cares if he called me "Lisa."

The Blog
I'm trying to update the color scheme to something more springy and less cookie-cutter. I have no knowledge of anything in this area, so it might look really bad. Bear with me.

Does anyone know how to list previous posts by title in the sidebar? I can't figure it out.

I Hate Kobe Bryant
This was totally unplanned but, while looking up the Stark links, I came across this. You can read it, if you like, but basically it says that Kobe Bryant is a better basketball player than Micheal Jordan. Um. No. Whatever. He's an asshole, and he should be shunned from the media. I don't know why the media - sportsmedia specifically, but all media really - has to pick some guys who's - pardon the phrase - dick they suck, regardless of what he's done. There are great players in sports who get no attention at all. Does Kobe have some great talent on the court? Yes. That's undeniable. The article I linked to there highlights some of the things he's done that couldn't be done by anyone else. However. The author plays off Kobe's unpopularity by saying that Kobe gets unfair treatment. He compares him to A-Rod. To Jordan (who wasn't the world's best teammate). He says:
"Of course, the idea that Kobe is better than Jordan -- or even the best player in this league -- is as repugnant to some folks as a rectal exam. Even though Kobe has proven himself under pressure countless times, he gets the A-Rod treatment."


Ok. Yes. That is repugnant to me.
He continues:

"Kobe can't please anyone. And it doesn't help that most people suffer from revisionist history when it comes to Jordan, forgetting that he was just as poor a teammate and a ball hog and that he ran off coach Doug Collins like Kobe ran off Phil Jackson the first time.

In fact, you could argue that Jordan was even worse. Far as we know, Kobe hasn't jacked up any of his teammates the way Jordan punched out Steve Kerr and Will Perdue at practice.

Kobe will never be forgiven for Shaq's departure, but you're delusional if you think Jordan wouldn't have had any ego issues playing alongside a player with Shaq's star power.

The best-player argument shouldn't be determined by personal dislike. But if you want to take it there, fine. Jordan was hardly the ideal husband, but only the tabloids were brave enough to venture into his personal life. And what about those gambling issues? If Jordan's life had been covered like Kobe's, we would have an entirely different opinion of His Airness."


Ok. There are some lapses in logic here.
Jordan did benefit from some fantastic PR. And yes, Jordan got lucky "retiring" when he did so that his gambling issues were barely made public. And I'm sure that Jordan was "hardly the ideal husband." So, poor Kobe's picked on. Kobe hasn't done anything anybody else didn't do. Jordan was never (as far as I know - I could be wrong) accused of rape.

Kobe Bryant slept with a woman who was not his wife who, at best, was too scared of him to say no in a way that he would understand. He raped her. And then his lawyers let her identity leak out into the media and she was unable to get a fair trial. He raped a girl. He is a rapist. This is no hero. You want to talk about his skills? I guess that's your prerogative. I would much rather hear about all those other guys you say are almost as good as Kobe, but whatever, that's your choice to write about it.

But don't pretend like he didn't earn his bad reputation, or that Micheal Jordan is only liked because he's good at putting forth a false face. The only reason Kobe Bryant was not convicted of rape was because of the way that case was mishandled. Even when it was going on, the announcers couldn't stop talking about "how brave" Kobe was for playing his best "considering all he's been through." He raped a woman. You think he's disliked because he's a bad teammate? Because Shaq left? Players leave teams all the time. He's disliked because he's an asshole. Move on to some other guy already.

I'm a Moody Bitch

At my last appointment with my shrink, she asked if I had experienced any mood swings since starting on the drugs. I said no, other than the week before my period, which is sort of to be expected. Then... um... I had a bad week.

Monday night we went to bowling and actually got out pretty quick - two of our people were out and two were out on the other team so we got through all three games really fast, which was awesome. I got kind of sick Monday night. Not to get into too much gross detail, but I'm lactose intolerant and had pizza at bowling (which I always do and it has never caused me trouble before, but ...). I got up at about one, was hanging out in the bathroom for about an hour and then headed back to bed. By two, my stomach was cramping up again, though there was nothing in there. I think I finally fell asleep around 2:45. Apparently, not long after that, I started having restless dreams.

I'm an active sleeper. I talk, I move a lot and sometimes I walk in my sleep. Monday night, according to Mr, I jumped out of bed to catch someone. I said I was trying to save their life. I don't know.

By 5:20 when the alarm went off, I was TIRED. I walked the dog, got dressed, and headed to work. I was supposed to be there by 7:30, which shouldn't have been a problem, since I was on the road by 6:25. But then I made the mistake of listening to the morning traffic report. They said the Edens was 20 minutes to the junction. Great! I thought. I'll get in even earlier and have less time to make up next week!

That was not the case. It took me over two hours to get to work because of all the crap going on at the Dan Ryan. It seems they shut down all the local lanes and it was negatively affecting traffic everywhere. The feeder ramps were backing up so badly that ALL the roads were f'ed up.

So, I got to work late. Then, because of a computer glitch with the time change, I accidentally left an hour early. Seriously. So, I drove to Grayslake to observe a first year writing course for my teaching class. Then I drove back to the city to go to said teaching class. Traffic. Not good. Another two hours. Actually, a little more than two hours.

So, I FINALLY get home around 10. The weather is lovely and, though I'm tired, I'm pretty happy. I get out of the car. I'm carrying a lot of crap. I can't see the lock to get my key in and am about to drop stuff. I get annoyed because Mr is home and I know Hank alerted him to my presences, so why can't he open the fucking door already!?!

I finally get the door open, and nearly lose all the crap I'm holding. I'm now in a bad mood. Why couldn't he help me? "I was about to and then you got the key in" Arg.

So, I'm trying to stay nice. Throughout the day, I've also been having issues with my flippin' cell phone. The speaker phone is unreliable. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. T-Mobile has to go through all these trouble-shooting processes to test it. Of course, it works when they test it so they can't help me. Someone, around 5:30pm Tuesday, sent me some sort of multi-media message. Though my phone is MMS capable, I don't subscribe to T-Zones, so I can't get it. But, before I discover this, I call T-Mobile.
"Hi. there's an icon I've never seen flashing on my phone and I don't know why and I can't get it to go away."
"What does it look like?"
"Um... It looks like the text-message icon. It's a little book or something, but it has a red flashing rectangle on it."
"Can you hold while I try to look that up?"
"Sure."
10 minutes later
"I can't find a book anywhere"
"Maybe it's an envelope?"
"oh. That means you have a message. Just go to your inbox"
"But I went to my inbox and there's nothing there."
"Um. You'll have to go to T-Zones and look around"
"I don't have t-zones"
"oh. Well, it's in your inbox on t-zones."
"ok. great. thanks"

I hung up. So, when I got home, I wanted to go on T-Mobiles site and try to figure out how to get this flashing thing off my phone. So I ask Mr. "Is your computer here?" (he keeps his computer in the living room most of the time because we have wireless internet and he like to surf and watch tv). He says that it is, but it isn't on, is under the couch (he makes no move to get it) and I'll have to go get the charger because the battery is dead. He just sits there.

So I leave wordlessly to go up to my computer. I'm getting angry. Because if I'm using my computer and then turn it off and he wants to use it, he sees nothing wrong with just turning it right back on. This bugs me because I don't think it is good to turn a computer on and off over and over again. I know that this is a little irrational but... whatever, it's my computer. Of course, if his computer is off, and I want to use it well.. it's off. But, whatever, I start trying to look around and see if I can figure out my phone. I can't. I also can't see when my contract expires and when I can get a new phone. I'm pissed that I paid for this phone, I should have just kept using the old one, and will probably go back to it, but I'm frustrated. I go to bed.

Now the fun starts. Mr is bugging me. I'm super tired and cranky and looking at the clock trying to figure out when I need to get up in the morning. In the morning I need to shower (not really negotiable) walk the dog and get to work. I am sort of pissed because he can sleep until 6:45 and still be on time so why am I getting up before dawn? So, I set the clock, pissed because I'm already tired and not going to get enough sleep. He makes comments about me being angry, which, dear lord, there is NOTHING that guarantees my anger like telling me how I feel. I push him over on his side of the bed. He makes more comments. I stay silent and try to sleep. At this point, I am no longer a reliable narrator, because I said some stuff, I thought I was awake, but apparently, I wasn't. I thought I said "I can't sleep I'm going downstairs."

He says it went more like this:
"Do you even like me anymore?"
"What?"
"I can't sleep. I'm going downstairs"

He comes downstairs a few minutes later and tells me I should go to bed. I went. He stayed. Because he's an insomniac and he really couldn't sleep.

The alarm goes off and I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I decide to be late. I reset it and go back to bed. Continue to hit snooze until I've missed not only my really on-time train but the cutting-it-close train too. I ask him to walk the dog because it is already 7. Sure, no problem. He starts talking about me being angry again. Gah! Now I'm angry again. I was just grumpy from being tired as fuck, but now I'm mad again.

I leave for work. Think about why I'm mad. Decide to not be mad because really I'm just tired. We have some pleasant e-mails. I come home (after a couple beers after work), and am pleasant. He says:

"Is one of the side-effects of your medicine drastic mood-swings?"

Doh.

Another blog has a wonderful description of how I felt. Only the mood-swinger in this post is, I think, four. So she kind of has an excuse.

I'm on Fire Today

Can you believe I'm posting three times in one day? How lucky are you!

ESPN.com pisses me off. What is the f'ing deal with their "insider" crap? You put ads on your site - which is in itself and ad for your television station, which is also not free. So why the hell do I have to subscribe to ESPN Insider to read half the crap on the website?

The reason I'm so upset is this: I'm working on revising a lesson plan I created for my class on teaching writing. Since part of the plan is to go through an article in class and create an outline, I wanted to include an actual article and a sample of what the end-product would be.

When choosing random things for students to read, you have to be careful. You want something that makes a point but isn't too political, because you don't want to offend anyone (or their parents). You want something with broad appeal, because students learn better when they're engaged with the topic at hand. Even though this isn't something they're reading to be tested on - they need the experience of creating an outline, not knowledge of whatever it is they're reading - you have to be careful.

Personally, I like to choose things relating to baseball. I love baseball, it is fairly politically neutral, something nearly every American child is fairly familiar with and, being that it is popular in Latin America and most of Asia (or at least China and Japan) any foreign students you might have will also have some background knowledge of the subject. Plus, if they don't, they still won't have too hard a time with the assignment.

Anyway. I wanted to use a baseball article. Specifically, I wanted to use an article written by Jayson Stark for ESPN back in the 2005 post-season, when the White Sox won the World Series. Stark is an excellent writer. He turns baseball into poetry and he did an excellent job writing about the Sox and what the win meant to Chicago. I can't remember what the specific article I'm thinking of was called, but I remember its brilliance. Plus, at the time, it was one of the few articles that was free. Stark is, I'm assuming, one of ESPN's best writers (I don't care about ... well, any other sport, so I'm really only familiar with baseball writers. They might have some awesome guy (or lady) writing about basketball. I wouldn't know). Anyway, most of Stark's articles are part of the "insider" and you can't read them without a subscription.

But this one wasn't part of the insider, because I read it.

However, when I tried to find it today I discovered that ALL of Stark's archives, and probably all of ESPN's archives, are only available to "insiders." Why? What the fuck is the point? Why can't I go read that article again?

Newspapers are no better - if it has been out for more than two weeks or so, you have to buy the article. HOWEVER, that sort of makes sense since a paper costs $0.50. Plus, you can buy just whatever article you want. ESPN doesn't do that.

So, now I'm a little stuck. I don't yet have all of my books unpacked (I don't have much shelf space in my office, so I don't know where I would put them if I did have them out. I need an essay or article that would interest high-schoolers, not offend them or their parents and not assume any background knowledge that they might not have.

One of Those Days

This morning started out well. I snoozed once more than I should have, but managed to shower and dress fairly quickly. I only put on one outfit, as opposed to putting on pants and a top, deciding the top doesn't work, finding a top I like, but then having to change the pants and then searching for socks and shoes.

I left the house about five minutes later than planned, not bad. I drive to work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because I have class after work. Class gets out at nine, and I don't really like the idea of waiting for the bus or train to get to the train station to take Metra home that late at night.

Driving to work blows. What should be a 25-30 minute drive takes at least an hour and, if I don't get on the road by 6:45, it takes at least an hour and a half, sometimes more. So, I head out, all happy about being on time and planning to get gas on the way, because my light was on and I was low.

I usually go to the Shell station on Dempster, across the street from Notre Dame High School. They aren't always the cheapest, but usually they are so, even if they're a penny more, I'm okay with that, because they are consistently cheap. This gas station is not close to my house, but it is on the way to 94. As I neared the gas station I realized I didn't have my wallet. I went to bowling Monday night and took my wallet out of my purse. Then this morning, when I was switching purses, the wallet was on the floor, I didn't see it and didn't think about it.

So, I kept driving, muttering to myself, wondering what I should do. If I could get to work, I know one of my work friends would loan my money for gas. But would I get to work? Had it not been morning rush hour, maybe, but it was morning rush hour. Did I really want to risk it?

No.

So, I turned around and drove home. By the time I got home, got my wallet, got gas and got back on the road, it was an hour later than when I started.

If you think traffic stinks at 7am, you should see it at 8am. JEEBUS.

I took surface streets as far as I could without risking getting lost (I get lost easily) and then got on the highway.

I got to work at 9:15.

Ugh.

What Are You So Worried About?

What is the deal with homophobia? Honestly. I really don't understand what the problem is with allowing gay/lesbian/etc couples to marry.

This has been talked about all over the blogosphere, and I don't know that I have anything really of substance to add to the conversation, but I'm so confused.

Bitch PhD has a lovely entry on it here
And there are some other good points here (that's a really nice blog, by the way, that I should list in my links, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.)

This is an interesting tactic. I guess one of the reasons against a same-sex union is that they can't produce children. So, this is an interesting extrapolation of that conceit.

But what REALLY got me worked up this morning was this.

The Indiana Senate has passed an amendment clarifying that marriage is between one man and one woman. It has to pass the legislature and then the good people of Indiana will vote on it in the 2008 election.

I just don't get it. What are people afraid of? How can loving someone be wrong? Why do they care? What does it matter if I choose to love one man or two? Or a man and a woman? Why can't I declare them to be my family in a legal sense? Why is it that my relationship with Mr is A-OK but two women who love each other and want to dedicate their lives to each other are wrong? I don't see how being able to legally choose who is your family - and thereby who benefits from your health insurance, who can make decision about your health, who can raise your children - is any of the court's business. I've yet to hear an argument that makes sense.

I would really like to hear, honestly, what is so fucking scary about same-sex marriage. Or plural marriage, or whatever. Now, I know that plural marriage carries a whole lot of other taboos and most of these measures are directed at same-sex couples, but they are stipulating ONE man and ONE woman. Bigamy does have the potential for people (usually women) to get taken advantage of. However, so does lots of other socially-acceptable relationships.

I like to think that we live in a society where people are respected as people regardless of their religion, race, or sexual orientation. It frustrates me so much to see that we haven't come that far as a society after all.

If anyone out there has a logical explanation for me, I would really like to hear it. I don't think I have a ton of regular readers, but if you do feel inspired to comment or start a discussion, please keep it nice. I want to know your thoughts about the issue, not how you think I'm going to hell for thinking it is ok for people to love whomever they love.

Not Fair

Two posts in one day about weddings? I'm going off the deep end. Feel free to ignore the selfish ranting that follows. Seriously. It's pretty long and self-indulgent. But I needed to vent somewhere.

While I'm not the girl who has been planning her wedding since she was a small child, I did have a vision in mind once I met Mr and realized that I really did want to spend my life with him. I started thinking about where and when and how we'd get married. The little details didn't interest me much, but I figured we'd get married in Chicago, since we're here now and most of my relatives and all of his live nearby. I wanted to get married in the fall, because the weather is usually nice and fairly predictable, plus it is highly unlikely that it will be so hot that the groom or any other guy in a suit or tux would be near passing out. September, I thought would be perfect.

Then Mr's best friend proposed to his girlfriend last summer and she picked an early September wedding date.

That upset me a little. I had committed, in my head to getting married in September. I didn't want to wait a year, and I felt like she had stolen my date. I got over it. There are other dates and hey, we weren't even engaged yet.

Then we got engaged. We talked about it and decided on October - far enough away from the first wedding and still lovely fall. I was a little miffed when my family informed me that Notre Dame's football schedule needed to be taken into account but... what are you going to do?

Then I started looking at possible places and was quickly completely overwhelmed by the amount of money this little party was going to cost us. Then I found the place mentioned in the last post - two people I know were married there and, hey, half the cost! I called today and it turns out they're booked for all of October, unless I do a Friday and then I'd get 10% off. I said I can't do that, because 3 out of 4 of my bridesmaids are from out of town and then people have to take extra days off work. The closest available date is November 10. And, if we take that, she'll give me the 10% off. Ok. Sweet. We'll come check it out.

So, we're going to check that place out later this week or next week.

I emailed another friend - a friend of Mr's who is not yet engaged, but was asking about dates because he's planning on proposing - and told him that it might be in November. He just wrote me back and said that's no good. It looks like November 10 is when they're getting married. She's already talked to a reception place. We share a lot of friends - he and Mr share a best friend, a guy who would very likely be a groomsman in each wedding. So, he's like "gee, I hope you guys can find another day."

What the Fuck.

Seriously. This is supposed to be fun for me. It is supposed to be exciting. It is supposed to be ABOUT ME. I am not Bridezilla, I swear. But, shouldn't I be able to plan my wedding without catering to every other damn person on the planet? Why am I the one who has to compromise? THEY AREN'T EVEN ENGAGED YET! AND (I wish I could get bigger caps) they've been dating for less than a year.

That's unfair of me. I know it is unfair. How long they've been together shouldn't matter. They're in love, blah blah blah. It isn't their fault that Mr and I were together three years before he proposed. And I wouldn't have wanted to get engaged sooner. This is the right time for us. But. Can't it be about us? Shouldn't they, as the not-yet-engaged couple, have to plan their date after we've planned ours?

I like this guy. I've met his girlfriend once and she seemed ok. I'd like for him to be at our wedding. If he were more isolated, I wouldn't worry about it though, I would be ok with him not coming. But nearly all of our (really Mr's, but many of them are mine too) friends would overlap and I don't want people to have to choose.

I feel like such a brat. But, honestly, I took our first-engaged friends' plans into consideration when I started planning this thing. I supposed I could have moved faster, but sheesh, we've only been engaged for like five minutes and four of those minutes included Thanksgiving, closing on a house and getting ready for Christmas.

I suppose I have to do what is right for us and just let what happens happen. But. My family dwarfs his as it is. I don't want everyone at the wedding to be my friends and family and his, like, seven relatives. I mean, most of the overlapping friends live here, so maybe they'd pick us. I'd hate for the one guy to have to choose which wedding to be in though. Besides, if Mr loses a groomsman I'll have to cut a bridesmaid, which I could have done earlier, but now I've already asked everyone and I can't un-ask them. Maybe Mr would take one of my brothers...

There is a small small chance that October 27th could open up. Someone has a hold on that date until 12/23. But 10/27 is awfully close to 10/31 and do I really want to be celebrating my anniversary and Halloween every year? And, again, since it's my blog and if there's anywhere that I can act like selfish two-year-old, it is here where people can ignore me... Why do I have to switch? Fuck him, fuck his pushy girlfriend. They need to find a new date. Gah! Why is she planning their wedding when they aren't engaged!?!?

I hate myself for reacting this way, and yet I can't seem to help it.

This sucks, and it isn't fair.

When I Grow Up

I used to work in publishing.  I worked for a literary agency in Chicago, acting as the general office manager (sort of – I kept track of interns and ordered supplies), and I was an “associate agent” and handled a lot of the foreign rights crap.  My original boss was a wonderful, intelligent and fantastic lady who, unfortunately, passed away about a year and a half after I started.  Sadly, she made what I think is one of the few poor decisions in her career shortly before, firing the existing VP and hiring another person who had worked for her before.  The new person was a good agent but had/has no head for business.  D would freak out over little things, slack off when something didn’t appeal and generally was insecure about those of us who were there first might think we were smarter or better than we really were.  This forced D to do crazy things in order to let us know that we weren’t so smart.  And the pay was shitty.  I mean, nowhere in publishing is the pay good for an entry-level position, but the pay was really, really bad.  When I was working for my first boss, this was ok.  It was paying my dues and I was learning a lot.  It was a field in which I felt I could make a very satisfactory career.  With D at the helm, it was soul-crushing.  So, I left.  I got an internship through my uncle as a Marketing Assistant, which turned into a permanent job.  I applied and was accepted to grad school to get my masters in English Lit.  I was thinking that maybe teaching really was my passion.  However, I can’t seem to escape my former profession – and I don’t want to.  I liked publishing.  I loved helping people take their writing to another level (not that I got to do that often, but… the possibility was there).  I am reminded of this whenever the publishing process comes up in class or one of my writer friends asks me for help.  

Today, I read through a short story of a friend of mine.  It was a very rough draft, and was unfinished.  My friend is a great writer.  It was so fun for me to read where she started and talk to her about where she wants the character to go and how to get her there.  I love the idea of taking a great piece of work and helping it find its home in the world.  So, I was thinking that, if my friend manages to write a novel – which she is totally capable of doing (really, you are) – that maybe I could rep it.  Maybe, if lighting strikes and she becomes a New York Times Bestseller, I could really have my own agency.  

Alas, I don’t know if this is possible.  I’ve already been out of that industry for almost two years and I didn’t have that many contacts to begin with.  Everyone who is an agent starts out somewhere else in publishing.  I like fiction.  I can appreciate non-fiction and of course, as an agent, I would rep it, but if I were to be an editor, I would want to be a fiction editor.  Unfortunately for me, there is very little fiction in Chicago.  There’s business publishing, some magazines, educational publishing and lots of other stuff I’m not really interested in, but no fiction.  The only fiction is way, way, way far out in the ‘burbs – far enough out that, when I interviewed, they basically said they don’t hire people who live in the city because the commute kills them.  So, what am I supposed to do?

In a perfect world, these details wouldn’t matter.  I would finish school, teach at a community college and slowly build the best clientele ever, working from home.  Once I got some steady authors, who I could depend on, I could quit teaching and run my own agency full-time.  I’m just afraid that this is not really an option.  AND to make matters worse, my old agency is really, honestly, the only successful one in the entire city and surrounding suburbs.  Outside of LA and NYC, there are not a whole lot of successful literary agents.  It’s tough to get the ear of NYC editors (and they’re ALL in NY) if you can’t take them out to lunch on a regular basis.  

So, I’m left wondering: what will happen to me when I grow up?  I think I would be a good teacher, and I think I would find it satisfying, but I know that what I really want to do is be in publishing.  That thought, however, is always followed up with – but not as much as I want to live in Chicago.  I mean, how could I leave all the pizza?  It’s really tough.  NYC is not an option.  I just don’t want to.  And California?  Um….  No.  I’d rather… I don’t know but California is just not an option for me.  I’ve already found my home.  I like it here.  I guess I just have to hope that the rest will work itself out.