Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Not Fair

Two posts in one day about weddings? I'm going off the deep end. Feel free to ignore the selfish ranting that follows. Seriously. It's pretty long and self-indulgent. But I needed to vent somewhere.

While I'm not the girl who has been planning her wedding since she was a small child, I did have a vision in mind once I met Mr and realized that I really did want to spend my life with him. I started thinking about where and when and how we'd get married. The little details didn't interest me much, but I figured we'd get married in Chicago, since we're here now and most of my relatives and all of his live nearby. I wanted to get married in the fall, because the weather is usually nice and fairly predictable, plus it is highly unlikely that it will be so hot that the groom or any other guy in a suit or tux would be near passing out. September, I thought would be perfect.

Then Mr's best friend proposed to his girlfriend last summer and she picked an early September wedding date.

That upset me a little. I had committed, in my head to getting married in September. I didn't want to wait a year, and I felt like she had stolen my date. I got over it. There are other dates and hey, we weren't even engaged yet.

Then we got engaged. We talked about it and decided on October - far enough away from the first wedding and still lovely fall. I was a little miffed when my family informed me that Notre Dame's football schedule needed to be taken into account but... what are you going to do?

Then I started looking at possible places and was quickly completely overwhelmed by the amount of money this little party was going to cost us. Then I found the place mentioned in the last post - two people I know were married there and, hey, half the cost! I called today and it turns out they're booked for all of October, unless I do a Friday and then I'd get 10% off. I said I can't do that, because 3 out of 4 of my bridesmaids are from out of town and then people have to take extra days off work. The closest available date is November 10. And, if we take that, she'll give me the 10% off. Ok. Sweet. We'll come check it out.

So, we're going to check that place out later this week or next week.

I emailed another friend - a friend of Mr's who is not yet engaged, but was asking about dates because he's planning on proposing - and told him that it might be in November. He just wrote me back and said that's no good. It looks like November 10 is when they're getting married. She's already talked to a reception place. We share a lot of friends - he and Mr share a best friend, a guy who would very likely be a groomsman in each wedding. So, he's like "gee, I hope you guys can find another day."

What the Fuck.

Seriously. This is supposed to be fun for me. It is supposed to be exciting. It is supposed to be ABOUT ME. I am not Bridezilla, I swear. But, shouldn't I be able to plan my wedding without catering to every other damn person on the planet? Why am I the one who has to compromise? THEY AREN'T EVEN ENGAGED YET! AND (I wish I could get bigger caps) they've been dating for less than a year.

That's unfair of me. I know it is unfair. How long they've been together shouldn't matter. They're in love, blah blah blah. It isn't their fault that Mr and I were together three years before he proposed. And I wouldn't have wanted to get engaged sooner. This is the right time for us. But. Can't it be about us? Shouldn't they, as the not-yet-engaged couple, have to plan their date after we've planned ours?

I like this guy. I've met his girlfriend once and she seemed ok. I'd like for him to be at our wedding. If he were more isolated, I wouldn't worry about it though, I would be ok with him not coming. But nearly all of our (really Mr's, but many of them are mine too) friends would overlap and I don't want people to have to choose.

I feel like such a brat. But, honestly, I took our first-engaged friends' plans into consideration when I started planning this thing. I supposed I could have moved faster, but sheesh, we've only been engaged for like five minutes and four of those minutes included Thanksgiving, closing on a house and getting ready for Christmas.

I suppose I have to do what is right for us and just let what happens happen. But. My family dwarfs his as it is. I don't want everyone at the wedding to be my friends and family and his, like, seven relatives. I mean, most of the overlapping friends live here, so maybe they'd pick us. I'd hate for the one guy to have to choose which wedding to be in though. Besides, if Mr loses a groomsman I'll have to cut a bridesmaid, which I could have done earlier, but now I've already asked everyone and I can't un-ask them. Maybe Mr would take one of my brothers...

There is a small small chance that October 27th could open up. Someone has a hold on that date until 12/23. But 10/27 is awfully close to 10/31 and do I really want to be celebrating my anniversary and Halloween every year? And, again, since it's my blog and if there's anywhere that I can act like selfish two-year-old, it is here where people can ignore me... Why do I have to switch? Fuck him, fuck his pushy girlfriend. They need to find a new date. Gah! Why is she planning their wedding when they aren't engaged!?!?

I hate myself for reacting this way, and yet I can't seem to help it.

This sucks, and it isn't fair.


manogirl said...

To be honest, I don't think you're being selfish at all. I think you freaking picked a date, and these people aren't engaged? Jeezus gawd in heaven. Really. You seriously cannot think that you are the one in fault here, because you are DEFINITELY not.

Point blank: This wedding IS yours. You should make sure that the decisions you make are for you and Mr. only. It's nice that you care so much about who can be there, but you shouldn't let that stop you from having the wedding on the day you want it.

I really hope it works out!

Rita said...

Thanks. Now that I've calmed down a little, I agree. I'm just going to plan this and not take that other couple into account. I mean, we're probably inviting around 200 people, I can't worry about whether each person can make it, or we'll never get married.

There are still other places to look at, and other factors at play, so I'm trying to just ignore that guy and not worry about their wedding.

I feel like I should recite that AA prayer:
Help me to accept the things I cannot change...