Which means that Hawai'i is near. Which is a very, very good thing.
My wedding is fifteen days and a wake-up (as my dad would say) away. I have no idea how it went from months and months away to OhMyGodItIsF'ingTOMORROW, but it did, and I was a little taken aback. I made a big list, Mr finally saw the urgency of the matter and pitched in, and we're well on our way. I've picked the readings for the ceremony, my mom found musicians for the ceremony, we met with our band leader, I booked pre- and wedding-night hotel rooms, confirmed the flowers, and made an appointment with the priest. I'm getting a test-drive of my hair-do on Saturday just before Mr & I go pick out his ring. Shit is MOVING.
On one hand, I'm kind of stressed because, um, it is so very soon. On the other hand, I do not have to power to create time, so I also have a moderately-zen "there's only so much time in the day and so much I can do in a day" sort of approach. I would like to have my immediate family over for dinner Thursday night, since most of them have not seen my house, and I would like to host a brunch Sunday for the rest of my family, but all of that requires planning, which requires time, which I do not have.
I've also developed a zen attitude towards my weight. I've gained some of the weight that I had lost back. Not a ton, the dress still fits, but I don't know if I'll wear the bikini I bought for the honeymoon. I mean, I am NOT a bikini girl, but I wanted to be for the honeymoon. But, and here's where the zen comes in, I can't lose five (or ten, or fifteen, if we're counting was I was hoping to lose) pounds in fifteen days. Not going to happen. It will be fine. My dress ROCKS and is loverly. As for Hawai'i? Mr seems to dig me, and I probably won't see any of those people again, so either I'll be brave and wear the bikini, or I won't and I'll wear the one-piece. Or I'll compromise and wear the bikini but won't ever take my cover-up off. Regardless, there will be alcohol in pineapples and I will be happy.
Oh yeah, and I just found out I passed the Masters' Exam. I am officially a smarty-pants!
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Showing posts with label School. Show all posts
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Hiatus
I'm not going to blog for a while. I'm studying for the comprehensive exam for my master's degree, and taking my last course and I just don't have a lot of free time at the moment. Also, there has been some tragedy in my family, and while I don't feel that it is right for me to blog about it because none of the involved members know about my blog, I also can think of little else.
[Deleted because I think my vague explanation was still more information than I have a right to share]
I expect to return after the exam, which is 9/8/07. So, maybe the Monday after I will have something to say.
[Deleted because I think my vague explanation was still more information than I have a right to share]
I expect to return after the exam, which is 9/8/07. So, maybe the Monday after I will have something to say.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Hiatus
Hank wants you to know that if this were his blog it would be way more interesting. He'd bring you fun stuff everyday, like this picture of him and the only toy he hasn't completely destroyed. See how sweet he is? It's no wonder I'd rather sit on the couch with him than work.It's finals time. I have to expand a unit plan and write a research paper on The Divine Comedy.
In the meantime, I won't be posting, though I keep having ideas of stuff to write, because I don't want to write the stuff I have to write.
The unit plan is coming along. I'm supposed to expand a plan I already did, which shouldn't take long because I did more than I was supposed to the first time around. However, I've discovered that I can't just half-ass it, probably because I recognize that I very well might teach this unit plan sometime in the near future.
The research paper has me worried.
Expect something slightly more interesting after the 13th (when the last of it is due).
In the meantime, check out my new glasses! (comic-book style).
You can't really tell, but the frames are sort of amber. I think they're groovy.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Metra-Inspired Poetry
I'm currently taking a class called "Teaching Literature" and we're doing a unit on teaching poetry. This both fills me with dread and makes me very happy because I do not "get" poetry, and so I don't want to read it or study it, but I also know that I will someday have to teach poetry, and so I should learn to love it. Or at least gain a basic understanding so that I can teach it without making a fool of myself or teaching children incorrectly. Nothing worse than a bunch of teenagers who don't know how to write a proper haiku.
So, for this class, we're reading a book that is the faux journal of a faux poetry teacher. One of my assignments is to try out his assignments. So I did.
The assignment: Write a poem based on "Exercise in the Cemetery" by Jane Gentry
First sentence should place you somewhere, the second sentence should ask a question and the third sentence should describe in images whatever you notice.
The only other time I've ever written poetry was during a particularly angst-y moment in my history. I think I was about thirteen and the resulting "poetry" is so humiliating, just thinking about it makes me want to run away and hide. However, I'm older and more mature now. I shouldn't ask students to do something that I wouldn't do. And, honestly, what is a blog for if not to completely humiliate yourself? And so... my poem. Written this morning and not yet revised.
Be kind.
Oh god. I think I'm dying. The shame. Seriously.
So, for this class, we're reading a book that is the faux journal of a faux poetry teacher. One of my assignments is to try out his assignments. So I did.
The assignment: Write a poem based on "Exercise in the Cemetery" by Jane Gentry
At dusk I walk up and down
among the rows of the dead.
What do the thoughts I think
have to do with another living being?
In the eastern sky, blue-green as a bird's egg,
a cloud with a neck like a goose
swims achingly toward the zenith.
First sentence should place you somewhere, the second sentence should ask a question and the third sentence should describe in images whatever you notice.
The only other time I've ever written poetry was during a particularly angst-y moment in my history. I think I was about thirteen and the resulting "poetry" is so humiliating, just thinking about it makes me want to run away and hide. However, I'm older and more mature now. I shouldn't ask students to do something that I wouldn't do. And, honestly, what is a blog for if not to completely humiliate yourself? And so... my poem. Written this morning and not yet revised.
Be kind.
Just as the sun gets going,
I read and ride the train towards Chicago
and my office.
Why is everyone else going?
The rhythm of the tracks
shift and shake the words.
They rattle on the page
like an old tea set on a platter
carried gingerly, careful not to spill.
Oh god. I think I'm dying. The shame. Seriously.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
My Feminist Education
I always knew I was a feminist. Even when I was just a little kid, it always bugged me when my brothers got to do something and I didn't, just because I was a girl. My parents encouraged this behavior. I had my very own Popeye shaving kit - plastic razor, shaving cream cup, and brush - and I used to "shave" with my dad in the mornings. My brothers didn't have facial hair to shave, either.
When I got to college, St. Mary's in Notre Dame, Indiana, these views were obviously encouraged. I was sort of shocked, though, at the number of women who did not feel that they were feminists. I mean, how can you not be a feminist?
But I know why they felt that feminism excluded them. Sure, they thought that women were just as good as men. They wouldn't say that they didn't support equality between the sexes. What they objected to was the association between feminism and lesbianism. Somewhere along the line, those two terms became intertwined in a way that today's young women - and some not-so-young ... I would say most women under 35 - can't seem to get past. The forerunners of the "women's movement" were so successful that a lot of women today don't see the need to fight. And so the fight for equality has been taken up by other oppressed groups. Lesbians, by nature, call into question what society expects out of women. Because they are not yet totally accepted, they have to fight. Part of what they fight for is equality between the sexes. I'm not saying that this is an absolute explanation of how "lesbian" and "feminist" began to be seen as synonyms, but I think it is part of it.
There was a time in the when it seemed that following any of what was seen as a woman's role was playing into the hands of the patriarchy. To be a "true" feminist, you had to reject everything that men have set out as being for women, or what women should do. I remember reading Adrienne Rich in college and being so furious to see "It is the lesbian in us who is creative, for the dutiful daughter of the fathers in us is only a hack. " (Adrienne Rich (b. 1929), U.S. poet, essayist, and lesbian feminist. "It Is the Lesbian In Us Who Is Creative," (1976).) I am not a hack. I am not a "dutiful daughter." But I am also not a lesbian.
Now, I know what Rich was saying. I understand that she wasn't really talking about sexuality. But still, it was upsetting to me because I felt like there was no place for me in feminism. I was (and am) an intelligent, outspoken woman. No man tells me what to do. But I am also a straight woman. I love men. It was so upsetting to me that I felt like I had to defend that position. Feminism isn't about the superiority of women - it's about equality.
I was a member of the Feminist Collective on campus, but eventually stopped going because it eventually replaced the Gay, Lesbian, and Questioning (I can't remember the full name, I apologize) Outreach group that didn't get acknowledged as a campus organization. I felt like the Take Back the Night walk was the only thing the group did that was "feminist" as opposed to "lesbian." I think I was one of two straight women who attended meetings, so I stopped going. It wasn't that I didn't support my lesbian friends, I just didn't want to support the meshing of lesbianism and feminism. It isn't lesbians or lesbianism that I have an issue with. It's the underlying notion that I can't be a "real" feminist if I like men. I feel that the blending of lesbian and feminist implies that I'm a bad feminist if I like men, and I don't think that's true.
This is all to introduce an old post I discovered at one of my favorite blogs. She wrote it three or four years ago, but it is new to me, and I love it. It's called Yes, You Are.
It very much supports my view that everyone is, or should be, a feminist. Because the definition of a feminist is simple: Any person who believes in the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. My cousin's husband has a wonderful t-shirt that says "This is what a Feminist looks like." I love it, and I want Mr to wear one because, whether he would admit it or not, he's a feminist, too.
When I got to college, St. Mary's in Notre Dame, Indiana, these views were obviously encouraged. I was sort of shocked, though, at the number of women who did not feel that they were feminists. I mean, how can you not be a feminist?
But I know why they felt that feminism excluded them. Sure, they thought that women were just as good as men. They wouldn't say that they didn't support equality between the sexes. What they objected to was the association between feminism and lesbianism. Somewhere along the line, those two terms became intertwined in a way that today's young women - and some not-so-young ... I would say most women under 35 - can't seem to get past. The forerunners of the "women's movement" were so successful that a lot of women today don't see the need to fight. And so the fight for equality has been taken up by other oppressed groups. Lesbians, by nature, call into question what society expects out of women. Because they are not yet totally accepted, they have to fight. Part of what they fight for is equality between the sexes. I'm not saying that this is an absolute explanation of how "lesbian" and "feminist" began to be seen as synonyms, but I think it is part of it.
There was a time in the when it seemed that following any of what was seen as a woman's role was playing into the hands of the patriarchy. To be a "true" feminist, you had to reject everything that men have set out as being for women, or what women should do. I remember reading Adrienne Rich in college and being so furious to see "It is the lesbian in us who is creative, for the dutiful daughter of the fathers in us is only a hack. " (Adrienne Rich (b. 1929), U.S. poet, essayist, and lesbian feminist. "It Is the Lesbian In Us Who Is Creative," (1976).) I am not a hack. I am not a "dutiful daughter." But I am also not a lesbian.
Now, I know what Rich was saying. I understand that she wasn't really talking about sexuality. But still, it was upsetting to me because I felt like there was no place for me in feminism. I was (and am) an intelligent, outspoken woman. No man tells me what to do. But I am also a straight woman. I love men. It was so upsetting to me that I felt like I had to defend that position. Feminism isn't about the superiority of women - it's about equality.
I was a member of the Feminist Collective on campus, but eventually stopped going because it eventually replaced the Gay, Lesbian, and Questioning (I can't remember the full name, I apologize) Outreach group that didn't get acknowledged as a campus organization. I felt like the Take Back the Night walk was the only thing the group did that was "feminist" as opposed to "lesbian." I think I was one of two straight women who attended meetings, so I stopped going. It wasn't that I didn't support my lesbian friends, I just didn't want to support the meshing of lesbianism and feminism. It isn't lesbians or lesbianism that I have an issue with. It's the underlying notion that I can't be a "real" feminist if I like men. I feel that the blending of lesbian and feminist implies that I'm a bad feminist if I like men, and I don't think that's true.
This is all to introduce an old post I discovered at one of my favorite blogs. She wrote it three or four years ago, but it is new to me, and I love it. It's called Yes, You Are.
It very much supports my view that everyone is, or should be, a feminist. Because the definition of a feminist is simple: Any person who believes in the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes. My cousin's husband has a wonderful t-shirt that says "This is what a Feminist looks like." I love it, and I want Mr to wear one because, whether he would admit it or not, he's a feminist, too.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Home Sick
Mr was sick all weekend and I think he gave it to me. I'm usually pretty hearty. If I get sick, he gets sick, but I rarely catch anything from him. This morning I had a hard time getting up (not to surprising considering that I was out really late on Monday and didn't get much sleep the night before). I showered, and got dressed and felt sort of ok. Not great, but whatever. By the time I got my shit together to leave, I was feeling a little queasy. By the time I was almost to the highway, I was near tears thinking about how I didn't want to go to work. This was my clue. When I'm sick, tears are always near the surface.
So, I called home and told Mr I was on my way back and called work and said I was sick. I've been in my pj's and on the couch since. It's a very weird thing going around. My stomach feels like iron and my guts keep clenching up. I had a small bowl of cereal, but it didn't sit well and I can't quite bring myself to eat anything else. Is it wrong that I'm hoping this will result in weight loss?
I get a little dizzy if I stand up or walk around, so I've been sitting on the couch. It took me about half an hour to work up the nerve to go upstairs and get my computer. I was thinking it would be fun to lay on the couch and play The Sims all day. I love The Sims. When I got my mac I was so sad that I would have to give up Sims - I'd bought all the expansion packs. What? You knew I was a nerd.
But Mac had a complete set - all the expansion pack and everything - for really cheap, so I bought it. It's sweet. Sadly, many of my things are still in boxes and, being that I don't have time to sit around staring at my computer all that often, I haven't played it since we moved. I dug through some boxes and almost passed out trying to find it. Somehow all of my PC Sims games are in the box with everything else that was in my desk, but no Mac Sims. I found the instructional booklet, but no disc. How can that be? I swear I've seen the case, but I can't find it now. Sad.
Today's supposed to be the first day of classes, too. There's no way I can drive, so I have to skip the first class and, if I have what Mr had, I'll be worse tomorrow. So, I need to look up my professor's email addresses and see if I can get electronic versions of the syllabi so I don't get behind. It makes me sad that I have to start worrying about homework again. But, I'm so close to finishing my master's I can practically taste it. I love school but I'm ready to be done. This week off has been awesome. Coming home from work and having time to talk to Mr and watch tv or whatever is so nice.
My spring break consisted of Romance novels. I was so happy with The Duke and I that I bought two more of the Bridgerton series: An Offer from a Gentleman, featuring Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie (the bastard daughter of an earl), and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, about Colin and Penelope Featherington. Offer was excellent. Unlike Duke, where I was smiling and feeling giddy the whole time I read, I cried through a good part of it. It was excellent. Sadly, Romancing was not as enjoyable. Through all the books, the Featherington girls are plain and poorly dressed and totally uninteresting. I just couldn't really care about Penelope. She supposedly bloomed or whatever, and Colin's all pissed that he didn't notice her sooner, but I just didn't buy it. Overall though it was a great spring break treat. I love Julia Quinn, and I think I'll buy a couple more of her books the next time I go on vacation.
I know I'm sick when blogging wears me out. I think I'll watch a little Charmed on TNT (four hours of it! Another guilty pleasure of mine, though I can't f'ing stand Billie and lately they've been running the last season [was she on the last two seasons?]) and take a nap.
So, I called home and told Mr I was on my way back and called work and said I was sick. I've been in my pj's and on the couch since. It's a very weird thing going around. My stomach feels like iron and my guts keep clenching up. I had a small bowl of cereal, but it didn't sit well and I can't quite bring myself to eat anything else. Is it wrong that I'm hoping this will result in weight loss?
I get a little dizzy if I stand up or walk around, so I've been sitting on the couch. It took me about half an hour to work up the nerve to go upstairs and get my computer. I was thinking it would be fun to lay on the couch and play The Sims all day. I love The Sims. When I got my mac I was so sad that I would have to give up Sims - I'd bought all the expansion packs. What? You knew I was a nerd.
But Mac had a complete set - all the expansion pack and everything - for really cheap, so I bought it. It's sweet. Sadly, many of my things are still in boxes and, being that I don't have time to sit around staring at my computer all that often, I haven't played it since we moved. I dug through some boxes and almost passed out trying to find it. Somehow all of my PC Sims games are in the box with everything else that was in my desk, but no Mac Sims. I found the instructional booklet, but no disc. How can that be? I swear I've seen the case, but I can't find it now. Sad.
Today's supposed to be the first day of classes, too. There's no way I can drive, so I have to skip the first class and, if I have what Mr had, I'll be worse tomorrow. So, I need to look up my professor's email addresses and see if I can get electronic versions of the syllabi so I don't get behind. It makes me sad that I have to start worrying about homework again. But, I'm so close to finishing my master's I can practically taste it. I love school but I'm ready to be done. This week off has been awesome. Coming home from work and having time to talk to Mr and watch tv or whatever is so nice.
My spring break consisted of Romance novels. I was so happy with The Duke and I that I bought two more of the Bridgerton series: An Offer from a Gentleman, featuring Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie (the bastard daughter of an earl), and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, about Colin and Penelope Featherington. Offer was excellent. Unlike Duke, where I was smiling and feeling giddy the whole time I read, I cried through a good part of it. It was excellent. Sadly, Romancing was not as enjoyable. Through all the books, the Featherington girls are plain and poorly dressed and totally uninteresting. I just couldn't really care about Penelope. She supposedly bloomed or whatever, and Colin's all pissed that he didn't notice her sooner, but I just didn't buy it. Overall though it was a great spring break treat. I love Julia Quinn, and I think I'll buy a couple more of her books the next time I go on vacation.
I know I'm sick when blogging wears me out. I think I'll watch a little Charmed on TNT (four hours of it! Another guilty pleasure of mine, though I can't f'ing stand Billie and lately they've been running the last season [was she on the last two seasons?]) and take a nap.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Quickie
After a series of unfortunate events this weekend, which I will detail later, with pictures (for my 100th post!) I was unable to take the train to work Monday and Tuesday.
But, I was able to take it today and start my Spring Break only a couple days late. Since I have to work anyway and spring break for DePaul is only six days long, my "vacation" was supposed to be taking the train all week and reading fun stuff instead of school stuff.
I bought The Duke and I by Julia Quinn. *sigh* I love the Bridgerton series. It makes me giddy, it's so fun.
But, I was able to take it today and start my Spring Break only a couple days late. Since I have to work anyway and spring break for DePaul is only six days long, my "vacation" was supposed to be taking the train all week and reading fun stuff instead of school stuff.
I bought The Duke and I by Julia Quinn. *sigh* I love the Bridgerton series. It makes me giddy, it's so fun.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I'm a Moody Bitch
At my last appointment with my shrink, she asked if I had experienced any mood swings since starting on the drugs. I said no, other than the week before my period, which is sort of to be expected. Then... um... I had a bad week.
Monday night we went to bowling and actually got out pretty quick - two of our people were out and two were out on the other team so we got through all three games really fast, which was awesome. I got kind of sick Monday night. Not to get into too much gross detail, but I'm lactose intolerant and had pizza at bowling (which I always do and it has never caused me trouble before, but ...). I got up at about one, was hanging out in the bathroom for about an hour and then headed back to bed. By two, my stomach was cramping up again, though there was nothing in there. I think I finally fell asleep around 2:45. Apparently, not long after that, I started having restless dreams.
I'm an active sleeper. I talk, I move a lot and sometimes I walk in my sleep. Monday night, according to Mr, I jumped out of bed to catch someone. I said I was trying to save their life. I don't know.
By 5:20 when the alarm went off, I was TIRED. I walked the dog, got dressed, and headed to work. I was supposed to be there by 7:30, which shouldn't have been a problem, since I was on the road by 6:25. But then I made the mistake of listening to the morning traffic report. They said the Edens was 20 minutes to the junction. Great! I thought. I'll get in even earlier and have less time to make up next week!
That was not the case. It took me over two hours to get to work because of all the crap going on at the Dan Ryan. It seems they shut down all the local lanes and it was negatively affecting traffic everywhere. The feeder ramps were backing up so badly that ALL the roads were f'ed up.
So, I got to work late. Then, because of a computer glitch with the time change, I accidentally left an hour early. Seriously. So, I drove to Grayslake to observe a first year writing course for my teaching class. Then I drove back to the city to go to said teaching class. Traffic. Not good. Another two hours. Actually, a little more than two hours.
So, I FINALLY get home around 10. The weather is lovely and, though I'm tired, I'm pretty happy. I get out of the car. I'm carrying a lot of crap. I can't see the lock to get my key in and am about to drop stuff. I get annoyed because Mr is home and I know Hank alerted him to my presences, so why can't he open the fucking door already!?!
I finally get the door open, and nearly lose all the crap I'm holding. I'm now in a bad mood. Why couldn't he help me? "I was about to and then you got the key in" Arg.
So, I'm trying to stay nice. Throughout the day, I've also been having issues with my flippin' cell phone. The speaker phone is unreliable. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. T-Mobile has to go through all these trouble-shooting processes to test it. Of course, it works when they test it so they can't help me. Someone, around 5:30pm Tuesday, sent me some sort of multi-media message. Though my phone is MMS capable, I don't subscribe to T-Zones, so I can't get it. But, before I discover this, I call T-Mobile.
"Hi. there's an icon I've never seen flashing on my phone and I don't know why and I can't get it to go away."
"What does it look like?"
"Um... It looks like the text-message icon. It's a little book or something, but it has a red flashing rectangle on it."
"Can you hold while I try to look that up?"
"Sure."
10 minutes later
"I can't find a book anywhere"
"Maybe it's an envelope?"
"oh. That means you have a message. Just go to your inbox"
"But I went to my inbox and there's nothing there."
"Um. You'll have to go to T-Zones and look around"
"I don't have t-zones"
"oh. Well, it's in your inbox on t-zones."
"ok. great. thanks"
I hung up. So, when I got home, I wanted to go on T-Mobiles site and try to figure out how to get this flashing thing off my phone. So I ask Mr. "Is your computer here?" (he keeps his computer in the living room most of the time because we have wireless internet and he like to surf and watch tv). He says that it is, but it isn't on, is under the couch (he makes no move to get it) and I'll have to go get the charger because the battery is dead. He just sits there.
So I leave wordlessly to go up to my computer. I'm getting angry. Because if I'm using my computer and then turn it off and he wants to use it, he sees nothing wrong with just turning it right back on. This bugs me because I don't think it is good to turn a computer on and off over and over again. I know that this is a little irrational but... whatever, it's my computer. Of course, if his computer is off, and I want to use it well.. it's off. But, whatever, I start trying to look around and see if I can figure out my phone. I can't. I also can't see when my contract expires and when I can get a new phone. I'm pissed that I paid for this phone, I should have just kept using the old one, and will probably go back to it, but I'm frustrated. I go to bed.
Now the fun starts. Mr is bugging me. I'm super tired and cranky and looking at the clock trying to figure out when I need to get up in the morning. In the morning I need to shower (not really negotiable) walk the dog and get to work. I am sort of pissed because he can sleep until 6:45 and still be on time so why am I getting up before dawn? So, I set the clock, pissed because I'm already tired and not going to get enough sleep. He makes comments about me being angry, which, dear lord, there is NOTHING that guarantees my anger like telling me how I feel. I push him over on his side of the bed. He makes more comments. I stay silent and try to sleep. At this point, I am no longer a reliable narrator, because I said some stuff, I thought I was awake, but apparently, I wasn't. I thought I said "I can't sleep I'm going downstairs."
He says it went more like this:
"Do you even like me anymore?"
"What?"
"I can't sleep. I'm going downstairs"
He comes downstairs a few minutes later and tells me I should go to bed. I went. He stayed. Because he's an insomniac and he really couldn't sleep.
The alarm goes off and I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I decide to be late. I reset it and go back to bed. Continue to hit snooze until I've missed not only my really on-time train but the cutting-it-close train too. I ask him to walk the dog because it is already 7. Sure, no problem. He starts talking about me being angry again. Gah! Now I'm angry again. I was just grumpy from being tired as fuck, but now I'm mad again.
I leave for work. Think about why I'm mad. Decide to not be mad because really I'm just tired. We have some pleasant e-mails. I come home (after a couple beers after work), and am pleasant. He says:
"Is one of the side-effects of your medicine drastic mood-swings?"
Doh.
Another blog has a wonderful description of how I felt. Only the mood-swinger in this post is, I think, four. So she kind of has an excuse.
Monday night we went to bowling and actually got out pretty quick - two of our people were out and two were out on the other team so we got through all three games really fast, which was awesome. I got kind of sick Monday night. Not to get into too much gross detail, but I'm lactose intolerant and had pizza at bowling (which I always do and it has never caused me trouble before, but ...). I got up at about one, was hanging out in the bathroom for about an hour and then headed back to bed. By two, my stomach was cramping up again, though there was nothing in there. I think I finally fell asleep around 2:45. Apparently, not long after that, I started having restless dreams.
I'm an active sleeper. I talk, I move a lot and sometimes I walk in my sleep. Monday night, according to Mr, I jumped out of bed to catch someone. I said I was trying to save their life. I don't know.
By 5:20 when the alarm went off, I was TIRED. I walked the dog, got dressed, and headed to work. I was supposed to be there by 7:30, which shouldn't have been a problem, since I was on the road by 6:25. But then I made the mistake of listening to the morning traffic report. They said the Edens was 20 minutes to the junction. Great! I thought. I'll get in even earlier and have less time to make up next week!
That was not the case. It took me over two hours to get to work because of all the crap going on at the Dan Ryan. It seems they shut down all the local lanes and it was negatively affecting traffic everywhere. The feeder ramps were backing up so badly that ALL the roads were f'ed up.
So, I got to work late. Then, because of a computer glitch with the time change, I accidentally left an hour early. Seriously. So, I drove to Grayslake to observe a first year writing course for my teaching class. Then I drove back to the city to go to said teaching class. Traffic. Not good. Another two hours. Actually, a little more than two hours.
So, I FINALLY get home around 10. The weather is lovely and, though I'm tired, I'm pretty happy. I get out of the car. I'm carrying a lot of crap. I can't see the lock to get my key in and am about to drop stuff. I get annoyed because Mr is home and I know Hank alerted him to my presences, so why can't he open the fucking door already!?!
I finally get the door open, and nearly lose all the crap I'm holding. I'm now in a bad mood. Why couldn't he help me? "I was about to and then you got the key in" Arg.
So, I'm trying to stay nice. Throughout the day, I've also been having issues with my flippin' cell phone. The speaker phone is unreliable. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. T-Mobile has to go through all these trouble-shooting processes to test it. Of course, it works when they test it so they can't help me. Someone, around 5:30pm Tuesday, sent me some sort of multi-media message. Though my phone is MMS capable, I don't subscribe to T-Zones, so I can't get it. But, before I discover this, I call T-Mobile.
"Hi. there's an icon I've never seen flashing on my phone and I don't know why and I can't get it to go away."
"What does it look like?"
"Um... It looks like the text-message icon. It's a little book or something, but it has a red flashing rectangle on it."
"Can you hold while I try to look that up?"
"Sure."
10 minutes later
"I can't find a book anywhere"
"Maybe it's an envelope?"
"oh. That means you have a message. Just go to your inbox"
"But I went to my inbox and there's nothing there."
"Um. You'll have to go to T-Zones and look around"
"I don't have t-zones"
"oh. Well, it's in your inbox on t-zones."
"ok. great. thanks"
I hung up. So, when I got home, I wanted to go on T-Mobiles site and try to figure out how to get this flashing thing off my phone. So I ask Mr. "Is your computer here?" (he keeps his computer in the living room most of the time because we have wireless internet and he like to surf and watch tv). He says that it is, but it isn't on, is under the couch (he makes no move to get it) and I'll have to go get the charger because the battery is dead. He just sits there.
So I leave wordlessly to go up to my computer. I'm getting angry. Because if I'm using my computer and then turn it off and he wants to use it, he sees nothing wrong with just turning it right back on. This bugs me because I don't think it is good to turn a computer on and off over and over again. I know that this is a little irrational but... whatever, it's my computer. Of course, if his computer is off, and I want to use it well.. it's off. But, whatever, I start trying to look around and see if I can figure out my phone. I can't. I also can't see when my contract expires and when I can get a new phone. I'm pissed that I paid for this phone, I should have just kept using the old one, and will probably go back to it, but I'm frustrated. I go to bed.
Now the fun starts. Mr is bugging me. I'm super tired and cranky and looking at the clock trying to figure out when I need to get up in the morning. In the morning I need to shower (not really negotiable) walk the dog and get to work. I am sort of pissed because he can sleep until 6:45 and still be on time so why am I getting up before dawn? So, I set the clock, pissed because I'm already tired and not going to get enough sleep. He makes comments about me being angry, which, dear lord, there is NOTHING that guarantees my anger like telling me how I feel. I push him over on his side of the bed. He makes more comments. I stay silent and try to sleep. At this point, I am no longer a reliable narrator, because I said some stuff, I thought I was awake, but apparently, I wasn't. I thought I said "I can't sleep I'm going downstairs."
He says it went more like this:
"Do you even like me anymore?"
"What?"
"I can't sleep. I'm going downstairs"
He comes downstairs a few minutes later and tells me I should go to bed. I went. He stayed. Because he's an insomniac and he really couldn't sleep.
The alarm goes off and I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I decide to be late. I reset it and go back to bed. Continue to hit snooze until I've missed not only my really on-time train but the cutting-it-close train too. I ask him to walk the dog because it is already 7. Sure, no problem. He starts talking about me being angry again. Gah! Now I'm angry again. I was just grumpy from being tired as fuck, but now I'm mad again.
I leave for work. Think about why I'm mad. Decide to not be mad because really I'm just tired. We have some pleasant e-mails. I come home (after a couple beers after work), and am pleasant. He says:
"Is one of the side-effects of your medicine drastic mood-swings?"
Doh.
Another blog has a wonderful description of how I felt. Only the mood-swinger in this post is, I think, four. So she kind of has an excuse.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Blah Blah Blah
I figure it's time to write something, before Mavis gets all antsy and tells me to post something. She's very demanding.
It has been a strange week for me. I started it feeling like I would rather have a root canal than go to my job, then I had a chat with my boss which left me feeling somewhat better and motivated to really make a difference in that company, then my school week started and I was all proud of myself for getting all my readings done and getting some of my end-of-the-quarter stuff done AHEAD OF TIME, then I went to the shrink and told her how awesome my new drugs are and how on top of things I am, and then it all fell apart.
Let me break it down for you:
The Job
I try not to talk about my job too much because I've heard of people getting fired for blogging about their job. However, I have no plans for permanent employment at my company (and they know this), and I don't think that this is a fire-able offense.
So, my company has grown a lot over the last decade and a half or so. They went from being really small to being really big really fast. So, the corporate infrastructure has not grown as the company did. This happens a lot. For all the talk about corporate structure, I've found that very few companies have much infrastructure. Mostly, it is all sort of half-assed and un-spelled out, with the exception of a few totally massive global corporations.
My company has been working on creating some structure and training and whatnot. HR scheduled a meeting to review some training courses for several positions in my department, mine included. This sparked a whole discussion on career paths, titles, etc and how they basically don't exist in the company. The HR rep was totally taken by surprise, as this wasn't what the meeting was supposed to be about, but managed to handle it pretty well. HR rep was trying to listen, but convey what the likely reaction from higher-ups would be to what we were asking for. Basically, we should try to create some structures, but it wasn't likely to be as successful as we might hope. What I, and the others who are in my same entry- or close to entry-level positions, heard was: "we don't want to create career paths for your positions because we don't want you to advance because we don't want to ever pay more than we already are for what you do, and we don't want you to take on more responsibility or develop any other skills than what you already have." It was pretty depressing. We left feeling like we were wasting our time there and should really start looking for new jobs. Even me, and I'm in school to get a totally different kind of job and have no plans on developing a career in my current field.
So, when my boss found out my negative reaction, she was a little hurt. The point of the meetings were to develop something for me and those in my position. That I didn't want to be involved anymore sort of upset her, and I can see why. Why should she bother going to bat for me if I don't want to put forth any effort? There are other things going on that I feel like I can't get into here, but ultimately I agreed with her. I left her office wondering how I can get the others in my position to come around and get things back on-track.
Then, I went to class. My week is pretty evenly divided into work and school, so I completely left work behind. Things were going so well for me in school. I had gotten really far behind - I wasn't finishing readings and was always finishing papers and the very last possible moment (in some cases turning it in rather late).
The Drugs
I have ADD. I can usually get by, but last quarter and this quarter it was really, really bad, and I finally went to a psychiatrist to get drugs. I was really nervous about going, because I'm always afraid that someone will finally tell me that drugs won't help, that I'm just stupid and lazy and should just get my shit together. Apparently, this is how a lot of ADDers feel, particularly adults with ADD. In any case, the drugs are working. I have gotten my school work back under control and I'm even getting my shit at work done more efficiently.
The point (see the tangents? this is ADD at work - actually the meds combo'd with caffeine. I'm still not used to changing what I consume because of the chemicals I've added to my body). ANYWAY. The point is that I was back in control. I was so efficient with stuff. Yesterday, I finished revising an assignment by, like 11am. It was awesome. And then.
Falling Apart
And then I realized that I should not have been sitting at my desk working on papers. I should have been at DePaul, in Lincoln Park, observing an undergraduate writing class. I'd already missed the first time I was supposed to go, then couldn't get a hold of the professor for the next week, and now I'd blown it. I was so mad at myself. I'd totally spaced on it.
Luckily, it looks like it will work out. I'm going to have to drive to f'ing Grayslake and turn in my paper late, but I will get to turn it in, which will be better than nothing at all.
The upside is that I'm getting a handle on things. The drugs I'm taking are not miracle drugs. They don't actually do my work for me. But, they do allow me to do what I need to. The good news is that my shrink says that my ADD really only rears its ugly head in times of stress. Apparently, maintaining a job, going to school, and planning a wedding all at the same time is stressful. And I just thought I was lazy.
She recommended a book on adult ADD, which I plan to read over my "spring break" - which is in itself sort of a joke, since we have less than a week between finals and the start of spring quarter. I'm also planning on reading another of the Bridgerton series by Julia Quinn. I deserve a little fun reading.
But now, I've wasted enough of my morning (it's 1pm, but still morning to me!) and it is time to get to work.
It has been a strange week for me. I started it feeling like I would rather have a root canal than go to my job, then I had a chat with my boss which left me feeling somewhat better and motivated to really make a difference in that company, then my school week started and I was all proud of myself for getting all my readings done and getting some of my end-of-the-quarter stuff done AHEAD OF TIME, then I went to the shrink and told her how awesome my new drugs are and how on top of things I am, and then it all fell apart.
Let me break it down for you:
The Job
I try not to talk about my job too much because I've heard of people getting fired for blogging about their job. However, I have no plans for permanent employment at my company (and they know this), and I don't think that this is a fire-able offense.
So, my company has grown a lot over the last decade and a half or so. They went from being really small to being really big really fast. So, the corporate infrastructure has not grown as the company did. This happens a lot. For all the talk about corporate structure, I've found that very few companies have much infrastructure. Mostly, it is all sort of half-assed and un-spelled out, with the exception of a few totally massive global corporations.
My company has been working on creating some structure and training and whatnot. HR scheduled a meeting to review some training courses for several positions in my department, mine included. This sparked a whole discussion on career paths, titles, etc and how they basically don't exist in the company. The HR rep was totally taken by surprise, as this wasn't what the meeting was supposed to be about, but managed to handle it pretty well. HR rep was trying to listen, but convey what the likely reaction from higher-ups would be to what we were asking for. Basically, we should try to create some structures, but it wasn't likely to be as successful as we might hope. What I, and the others who are in my same entry- or close to entry-level positions, heard was: "we don't want to create career paths for your positions because we don't want you to advance because we don't want to ever pay more than we already are for what you do, and we don't want you to take on more responsibility or develop any other skills than what you already have." It was pretty depressing. We left feeling like we were wasting our time there and should really start looking for new jobs. Even me, and I'm in school to get a totally different kind of job and have no plans on developing a career in my current field.
So, when my boss found out my negative reaction, she was a little hurt. The point of the meetings were to develop something for me and those in my position. That I didn't want to be involved anymore sort of upset her, and I can see why. Why should she bother going to bat for me if I don't want to put forth any effort? There are other things going on that I feel like I can't get into here, but ultimately I agreed with her. I left her office wondering how I can get the others in my position to come around and get things back on-track.
Then, I went to class. My week is pretty evenly divided into work and school, so I completely left work behind. Things were going so well for me in school. I had gotten really far behind - I wasn't finishing readings and was always finishing papers and the very last possible moment (in some cases turning it in rather late).
The Drugs
I have ADD. I can usually get by, but last quarter and this quarter it was really, really bad, and I finally went to a psychiatrist to get drugs. I was really nervous about going, because I'm always afraid that someone will finally tell me that drugs won't help, that I'm just stupid and lazy and should just get my shit together. Apparently, this is how a lot of ADDers feel, particularly adults with ADD. In any case, the drugs are working. I have gotten my school work back under control and I'm even getting my shit at work done more efficiently.
The point (see the tangents? this is ADD at work - actually the meds combo'd with caffeine. I'm still not used to changing what I consume because of the chemicals I've added to my body). ANYWAY. The point is that I was back in control. I was so efficient with stuff. Yesterday, I finished revising an assignment by, like 11am. It was awesome. And then.
Falling Apart
And then I realized that I should not have been sitting at my desk working on papers. I should have been at DePaul, in Lincoln Park, observing an undergraduate writing class. I'd already missed the first time I was supposed to go, then couldn't get a hold of the professor for the next week, and now I'd blown it. I was so mad at myself. I'd totally spaced on it.
Luckily, it looks like it will work out. I'm going to have to drive to f'ing Grayslake and turn in my paper late, but I will get to turn it in, which will be better than nothing at all.
The upside is that I'm getting a handle on things. The drugs I'm taking are not miracle drugs. They don't actually do my work for me. But, they do allow me to do what I need to. The good news is that my shrink says that my ADD really only rears its ugly head in times of stress. Apparently, maintaining a job, going to school, and planning a wedding all at the same time is stressful. And I just thought I was lazy.
She recommended a book on adult ADD, which I plan to read over my "spring break" - which is in itself sort of a joke, since we have less than a week between finals and the start of spring quarter. I'm also planning on reading another of the Bridgerton series by Julia Quinn. I deserve a little fun reading.
But now, I've wasted enough of my morning (it's 1pm, but still morning to me!) and it is time to get to work.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Death of NaBloPoMo
Sadly, I was unable to post for the last two days. Which means I'm out of the running for the cool prizes offered by Fussy and friends for NaBloPoMo. It was unavoidable. AT&T was strangely on the ball with things and disconnected my internet connection on Thursday night, so I wasn't able to post on Friday. I tried to get Mavis to post for me, but she didn't do it. Turns out, AT&T didn't need to foil my plans since moving took all frickin' day and I never got a chance to write anything. Literally sun-up to the wee hours of the 'morn, we were packing, watching the movers haul our stuff out and then in, and then unpacking and then cleaning the old place and then more unpacking and then sleeping. There's no way I could have posted.
If I've learned anything from this experience, it is this: hire movers. Seriously, it was the best money Mr has ever spent (he paid them and, since I'm not yet Mrs, it was really his money). Those guys were fast and efficient and there's no way we could have done what they did, even if we had several days. And we totally would have broken or damaged things whereas Golan's got everything where it needed to be, safe and sound. They didn't scratch any doors or walls, either.
I know you're worried that now that I'm out of the running for prizes, I'll stop posting, but that's just not true. I promise to keep posting, though I may slack again at Thanksgiving.
Stuff is still overwhelming for me at the moment, but great progress has been made. My house is a mess, but I'm in it. No more going between the condo that I had grown to hate and the house that seemed really far away. And I cannot even begin to express the joy I felt on moving in. Even through the sore feet and back and extreme tiredness, I'm just so happy to be in my house. It's mine. I can do whatever I want. That's awesome. So, it's a mess with boxes everywhere - I have no idea when we got so much stuff. And it won't get put together for a while because we have bowling on Monday and we're leaving for Georgia on Wednesday, but it will eventually get put together.
My paper is almost done. I have one article left to review (two if I'm feeling ambitious tomorrow on the train) and I have to write my overview - which isn't going to be too hard, since I'll have written all my summaries and can review them. Then I turn that in on Tuesday after work and head home to pack for vacation. I really wish I were just staying home so I could get settled, but I want to see my parents and nephew, so that will be nice.
Tomorrow I start my train commute, which is exciting. Sadly, my stop is one of the ones that is skipped when trains are express, so I HAVE to catch my train, at 7:06am or I will definitely be late to work. I also have to catch my train home or it sets me back a while... but it will all work out. I'm sort of concerned about parking, but I think it will be ok. I hope it will, anyway.
If I've learned anything from this experience, it is this: hire movers. Seriously, it was the best money Mr has ever spent (he paid them and, since I'm not yet Mrs, it was really his money). Those guys were fast and efficient and there's no way we could have done what they did, even if we had several days. And we totally would have broken or damaged things whereas Golan's got everything where it needed to be, safe and sound. They didn't scratch any doors or walls, either.
I know you're worried that now that I'm out of the running for prizes, I'll stop posting, but that's just not true. I promise to keep posting, though I may slack again at Thanksgiving.
Stuff is still overwhelming for me at the moment, but great progress has been made. My house is a mess, but I'm in it. No more going between the condo that I had grown to hate and the house that seemed really far away. And I cannot even begin to express the joy I felt on moving in. Even through the sore feet and back and extreme tiredness, I'm just so happy to be in my house. It's mine. I can do whatever I want. That's awesome. So, it's a mess with boxes everywhere - I have no idea when we got so much stuff. And it won't get put together for a while because we have bowling on Monday and we're leaving for Georgia on Wednesday, but it will eventually get put together.
My paper is almost done. I have one article left to review (two if I'm feeling ambitious tomorrow on the train) and I have to write my overview - which isn't going to be too hard, since I'll have written all my summaries and can review them. Then I turn that in on Tuesday after work and head home to pack for vacation. I really wish I were just staying home so I could get settled, but I want to see my parents and nephew, so that will be nice.
Tomorrow I start my train commute, which is exciting. Sadly, my stop is one of the ones that is skipped when trains are express, so I HAVE to catch my train, at 7:06am or I will definitely be late to work. I also have to catch my train home or it sets me back a while... but it will all work out. I'm sort of concerned about parking, but I think it will be ok. I hope it will, anyway.
Monday, November 06, 2006
I'm Freakin' Out!
We close on our house this Thursday. I have to make a lesson plan tonight for an imaginary class of French business people and I have nothing done. Next week I have to give a presentation of a project I should have been working on all quarter, but have done nothing for. This weekend we're supposed to clean and paint the house so that next weekend we can move in.
I need to clone myself or something.
Sorry. I have to do some SERIOUS homework tonight. I even had to skip bowling.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day, blog-wise. But, until after the 21st (when that project is actually due and we're moved in) this blog may be a bit boring. Unless you like reading about me panicking. Cause then it might be pretty good.
I need to clone myself or something.
Sorry. I have to do some SERIOUS homework tonight. I even had to skip bowling.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day, blog-wise. But, until after the 21st (when that project is actually due and we're moved in) this blog may be a bit boring. Unless you like reading about me panicking. Cause then it might be pretty good.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Summer Reading
I finally finished my paper. As it turns out, I'm an idiot. I recently switched to Mac and use Word for Mac. Word for Mac is not the same as Word for Microsoft. It is compatible, which is super, but it just looks a little different. Well, it turns out that when I thought I was double-spacing my paper, I was actually setting it at 1.5. Which isn't double. So, I wasn't as far behind as I thought. Whoops. It still wasn't the best thing I've ever written, but it would have had to grow by 5-7 pages to grow at all. So, it was little short and probably could have used more editing, but it is done and now I am free to read at my leisure.
I haven't had time to read a book for fun since Christmas. Here is what I'm planning to read, in no particular order, in the next 5 weeks before school starts.
I haven't had time to read a book for fun since Christmas. Here is what I'm planning to read, in no particular order, in the next 5 weeks before school starts.
- Faking It by Jennifer Crusie
- All U Can Eat by Emma Holly
- Lady Anne's Dangerous Man by Jeanne Westin
- Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
- Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
- Lake Wobegon Summer 1956 by Garrison Keillor
- Mohawk by Richard Russo
Clearly, my class on romance novels has inspired me. I loved Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie so much, I bought a bunch of her other books (including one that I've already read, though I didn't know that at the time). I want to read The 7 Habits because I think I could be more effective in my life, and I use the Franklin-Covey system so... It seems to make sense. My boss also lent me that one on CD, so I can listen to it in the car and read it - sort of a double whammy to hope it sinks in a little.
It's kind of a lot, but I think I can manage. I started Mohawk just after Christmas and didn't get very far before school started. The romances generally read pretty quickly. I'll keep you posted.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
I Am a Bad Student
It is currently 11pm, and my paper for my summer class is nearly a week overdue. If I get it to my professor tomorrow (early) he can grade it in time to turn in my grade to the school. If not, I get an incomplete for the class and he grades it when he can, and I don't know when that will be.
I have no excuses. I loved this class - summer class in Romance Fiction? Come on. It doesn't get much better than that. I like the book I'm writing on - Julia Quinn's "The Viscount Who Loved Me," but I am just not that inspired to write. I feel like everything I'm saying right now (in my paper) is trite and basically at a sub-par undergraduate level. I'm supposed to know stuff now. I'm supposed to be able to come up with a theory and find evidence in the text and it just isn't happening.
But I'm running out of time and I have to get it done. I was doing so well and then, I made the mistake of reformatting.
See, I write my papers single-spaced and in the default font. Then, when I'm done (or stuck and think I have enough for the minimum page requirement) I reformat, slap on a concluding paragraph to tie everything up in a nice bow and call it a day. I didn't think this paper was "done" but I did think it was long enough. Um... No. I'm barely halfway to the minimum length and I ALREADY feel like I'm repeating myself.
So, it's back to my secondary sources to see if there is some more stuff I can throw in this paper.
I'm so disappointed in myself.
I have no excuses. I loved this class - summer class in Romance Fiction? Come on. It doesn't get much better than that. I like the book I'm writing on - Julia Quinn's "The Viscount Who Loved Me," but I am just not that inspired to write. I feel like everything I'm saying right now (in my paper) is trite and basically at a sub-par undergraduate level. I'm supposed to know stuff now. I'm supposed to be able to come up with a theory and find evidence in the text and it just isn't happening.
But I'm running out of time and I have to get it done. I was doing so well and then, I made the mistake of reformatting.
See, I write my papers single-spaced and in the default font. Then, when I'm done (or stuck and think I have enough for the minimum page requirement) I reformat, slap on a concluding paragraph to tie everything up in a nice bow and call it a day. I didn't think this paper was "done" but I did think it was long enough. Um... No. I'm barely halfway to the minimum length and I ALREADY feel like I'm repeating myself.
So, it's back to my secondary sources to see if there is some more stuff I can throw in this paper.
I'm so disappointed in myself.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Update Update Update
Update, Update, Update
I suck. I know. I don’t know why my blog is so rarely updated. I think it’s because I’m still not 100% sure I want to be a blogger. Everyone is a blogger. Plus, I get a little nervous about anonymity on the web. My delusions of grandeur lead me to believe that someone will read my blog and, being as completely fabulous as I am, will become obsessed with me and then bad things will happen. I know that this is not very likely, but that is what is in my head.
So here are some things that have been happening.
Baseball
Boyfriend, another couple and I went to see the Kane County Cougars last weekend. If you like baseball, even just a little bit, I highly recommend checking out your local A league team. It’s baseball at its most pure. In addition to being way cheaper than your major league ticket, the minors usually have a ton of stuff going on during their games – the Cougars had Birdzerk! and The Jesse White Tumblers when we were there. It’s cheesy, yes, but if you are too cool to enjoy that sort of thing, well, maybe you are not as cool as you think.
The other perk of minor league ball is the food. I had a rockin’ burger and an ice cold beer, followed by an ear of sweet roasted corn dipped – literally dipped – in a large vat of butter. Mmmmm. Later in the game I got some ice cream in a souvenir cougar’s baseball helmet. The game itself was a little uneven. The Cougars were playing the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers (doesn’t just that make you want to go?) and, when we left, in the eighth inning, the score was 19 to 4.
Entertainment
We watched Wedding Crashers the other night. I don’t know if we just waited too long and it was over hyped, or if we just aren’t as smart as we think we are, but both me and the boyfriend didn’t like this movie. There wasn’t all the much wedding crashing going on, Vince Vaughn is still running on leftover “Swinger” fumes and, as much as I love him, is just not funny anymore. Owen Wilson has not yet worn out his welcome with me, but he’s getting close. I just thought that movie would be funnier. It was supposed to be a throwback to those raunchy sex comedies of the 80’s and I just thought it fell flat on its face. Boo. I did, however, love Christopher Walken. Then again, I could watch Christopher Walken read the newspaper aloud and I would probably enjoy it.
School
The spring quarter is finally drawing to a close. I have finals in both of my classes, which I think is kind of bullshit. I have never had English finals before. Usually, you get final papers, but not final exams. But, whatever. Once I discovered that DePaul’s partial tuition scholarship is for only a quarter of your tuition, I stopped caring about my grades. I’ve never really cared about what grade I got in a class. I tend to get good grades, so maybe that’s part of it, but I’m also a big school nerd and it really is what I get out of it that matters to me, not keeping up my GPA.
This quarter was interesting. I took a style course and a course in hard-boiled fiction and film noir. The style class was a requirement; the noir class was for fun (though it did fulfill a requirement). I knew I would like the class in hard-boiled fiction –that is what I read for fun, back when I had time to read for fun. We read a nice selection of the big names of the genre: Dashiell Hammett (Red Harvest), Raymond Chandler (Farewell, My Lovely), James M. Cain (The Postman Always Rings Twice), Ross MacDonald (The Chill), Hubert Selby, Jr. (Last Exit to Brooklyn), and James Ellroy (The Black Dahlia). I thought all of them were awesome. If you’ve never read any of these and have any interest in finding out what hard-boiled is all about, I would recommend The Postman Always Rings Twice because it is very short so, if you don’t love it, it won’t take long to finish. All of those are excellent. Any Chandler is good, as is anything by Dashiell Hammett, who is probably the best of the best, though more violent than the others. The only one I don’t recommend is Last Exit to Brooklyn, not because it isn’t good – for what it is – but because I don’t feel it really fits into the hard-boiled genre. Also, it is very tough to read and gave me a headache more than once.
The other bright point of the noir class was that my final paper (yeah, that’s right a big paper AND a final. Sheesh. If I didn’t really love that class, I would be PISSED). I got to write a paper on John D. MacDonald’s Travis McGee. I used The Scarlet Ruse, but could have used any of the books in the series. Travis is a wonderful twist on the traditional hard-boiled (anti)hero. I highly recommend getting into this series – they’re perfect beach reads; if you’re looking for something to read on vacation, this would be good.
Old School
I just got back from my five-year college reunion, which was a blast. I got to see five or six of my good friends with whom I haven’t kept in closest contact. The longer I am away from school, the more I can appreciate what a cool time it was in my life. I wouldn’t necessarily want to repeat it, but I learned a lot and grew a lot. The reunion was cool. We didn’t participate in a ton of the events, but that’s ok, because I don’t generally like highly organized functions and I saw the people I wanted to see. It is crazy to me how many of the women I went to school with are married and pregnant. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just have a hard time understanding it. I grew so much as a person after graduation, I can’t imagine that the person I would have chosen when I was 21 would be the same person I have chosen at 26. Plus, ugh, children. They are adorable and maybe I want them someday, but I’m still at a point in my life where, when I hear someone is pregnant, I assume it was an accident. I know that plenty of people are married with more than one baby by 26. I realize I’m not really that young anymore but…. I can barely take care of myself and my dog. I can’t imagine being responsible for another human life at this point.
I suck. I know. I don’t know why my blog is so rarely updated. I think it’s because I’m still not 100% sure I want to be a blogger. Everyone is a blogger. Plus, I get a little nervous about anonymity on the web. My delusions of grandeur lead me to believe that someone will read my blog and, being as completely fabulous as I am, will become obsessed with me and then bad things will happen. I know that this is not very likely, but that is what is in my head.
So here are some things that have been happening.
Baseball
Boyfriend, another couple and I went to see the Kane County Cougars last weekend. If you like baseball, even just a little bit, I highly recommend checking out your local A league team. It’s baseball at its most pure. In addition to being way cheaper than your major league ticket, the minors usually have a ton of stuff going on during their games – the Cougars had Birdzerk! and The Jesse White Tumblers when we were there. It’s cheesy, yes, but if you are too cool to enjoy that sort of thing, well, maybe you are not as cool as you think.
The other perk of minor league ball is the food. I had a rockin’ burger and an ice cold beer, followed by an ear of sweet roasted corn dipped – literally dipped – in a large vat of butter. Mmmmm. Later in the game I got some ice cream in a souvenir cougar’s baseball helmet. The game itself was a little uneven. The Cougars were playing the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers (doesn’t just that make you want to go?) and, when we left, in the eighth inning, the score was 19 to 4.
Entertainment
We watched Wedding Crashers the other night. I don’t know if we just waited too long and it was over hyped, or if we just aren’t as smart as we think we are, but both me and the boyfriend didn’t like this movie. There wasn’t all the much wedding crashing going on, Vince Vaughn is still running on leftover “Swinger” fumes and, as much as I love him, is just not funny anymore. Owen Wilson has not yet worn out his welcome with me, but he’s getting close. I just thought that movie would be funnier. It was supposed to be a throwback to those raunchy sex comedies of the 80’s and I just thought it fell flat on its face. Boo. I did, however, love Christopher Walken. Then again, I could watch Christopher Walken read the newspaper aloud and I would probably enjoy it.
School
The spring quarter is finally drawing to a close. I have finals in both of my classes, which I think is kind of bullshit. I have never had English finals before. Usually, you get final papers, but not final exams. But, whatever. Once I discovered that DePaul’s partial tuition scholarship is for only a quarter of your tuition, I stopped caring about my grades. I’ve never really cared about what grade I got in a class. I tend to get good grades, so maybe that’s part of it, but I’m also a big school nerd and it really is what I get out of it that matters to me, not keeping up my GPA.
This quarter was interesting. I took a style course and a course in hard-boiled fiction and film noir. The style class was a requirement; the noir class was for fun (though it did fulfill a requirement). I knew I would like the class in hard-boiled fiction –that is what I read for fun, back when I had time to read for fun. We read a nice selection of the big names of the genre: Dashiell Hammett (Red Harvest), Raymond Chandler (Farewell, My Lovely), James M. Cain (The Postman Always Rings Twice), Ross MacDonald (The Chill), Hubert Selby, Jr. (Last Exit to Brooklyn), and James Ellroy (The Black Dahlia). I thought all of them were awesome. If you’ve never read any of these and have any interest in finding out what hard-boiled is all about, I would recommend The Postman Always Rings Twice because it is very short so, if you don’t love it, it won’t take long to finish. All of those are excellent. Any Chandler is good, as is anything by Dashiell Hammett, who is probably the best of the best, though more violent than the others. The only one I don’t recommend is Last Exit to Brooklyn, not because it isn’t good – for what it is – but because I don’t feel it really fits into the hard-boiled genre. Also, it is very tough to read and gave me a headache more than once.
The other bright point of the noir class was that my final paper (yeah, that’s right a big paper AND a final. Sheesh. If I didn’t really love that class, I would be PISSED). I got to write a paper on John D. MacDonald’s Travis McGee. I used The Scarlet Ruse, but could have used any of the books in the series. Travis is a wonderful twist on the traditional hard-boiled (anti)hero. I highly recommend getting into this series – they’re perfect beach reads; if you’re looking for something to read on vacation, this would be good.
Old School
I just got back from my five-year college reunion, which was a blast. I got to see five or six of my good friends with whom I haven’t kept in closest contact. The longer I am away from school, the more I can appreciate what a cool time it was in my life. I wouldn’t necessarily want to repeat it, but I learned a lot and grew a lot. The reunion was cool. We didn’t participate in a ton of the events, but that’s ok, because I don’t generally like highly organized functions and I saw the people I wanted to see. It is crazy to me how many of the women I went to school with are married and pregnant. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just have a hard time understanding it. I grew so much as a person after graduation, I can’t imagine that the person I would have chosen when I was 21 would be the same person I have chosen at 26. Plus, ugh, children. They are adorable and maybe I want them someday, but I’m still at a point in my life where, when I hear someone is pregnant, I assume it was an accident. I know that plenty of people are married with more than one baby by 26. I realize I’m not really that young anymore but…. I can barely take care of myself and my dog. I can’t imagine being responsible for another human life at this point.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Update Your Blog
Update your blog. So I have been commanded and so I shall.
I had many ideas recently of what I wanted to write about : Baseball etiquette, the DIY (do it yourself) network and their awesome show about making photo albums and hot gluing sparkly stuff to things, the genius of Tomato Nation, the annoying articles Stephen King writes in the back of Entertainment Weekly (which Tomato Nation beat me to and, quite frankly, did it better than I could).
But work, school and life in general has kept me away. I have ten million things to read, a paper to write and a really big paper to get started on. One of the things I have to read is Last Exit to Brooklyn by Hubert Selby. It supposed to be a great novel about the "other America" those living in the slums/ghettos in the 1950's. The book is written with very little structure at all - I'm sure it's meant to be a reflection of the turbulent and chaotic world the characters live in - but it gives me a migraine. I mean, first of all the subject matter is naturally disturbing. These are "ethnic" people - Italians, Greeks, Jews - who have nothing to look forward to in life. Most of them are unemployed and trapped in a vicious cycle of crime and violence. There's a gay character who is harassed, raped, and eventually hit by a car, the first scene involves the horrendous beating of an army guy trying to return to the base (who, it must be noted, was not completely innocent, but also not deserving of the severe beating he got). It's hard to read. It isn't the life I've been exposed to. But it's also just hard to read. There is no punctuation save a few periods and commas - no apostrophe, no quotation marks no "Vinnie said:" so, it's hard to read. You don't know what's going on, just that you don't want to know about it. So, it's taking a while to get through. Mostly, I want to give up and say I can't - as my professor has admitted his wife and children have done. But I feel obliged to read it.
I also am taking a class in the history of English prose style and am analyzing grammar and structure from various periods in history. This is tough because I am not good with grammar. I can read something and tell you if it is incorrect, but I can't identify absolute construction in a sentence. Because absolute construction requires knowing what a participle is and, quite frankly, I can't remember. Even looking it up doesn't help too much because, I don't identify parts of speech while I'm reading. I just read. So, that's a challenge. It's a challenge I have to overcome tonight because I have a paper due tomorrow.
So, I'm not going to write about all those things I thought about.
But, I will make a somewhat brief statement on Baseball Etiquette, though the season is already well underway. It should first be noted, for full disclosure, that I am a White Sox fan. My dad was a White Sox fan, and I was raised to love the Sox. Now, I was also raised to love baseball in general. In 1989, or thereabouts, my family moved from the suburbs of Chicago to the suburbs of Atlanta. My dad was very good about taking us to baseball games whenever possible. This was easy to do since, in 1989 the Braves were one of the worst teams in the major leagues. Fulton County Stadium was always empty and we took full advantage of that - buying cheap seats and moving down to the better ones in the third inning. Eventually, the Braves got good, my dad got season tickets and we still got to go to games. Only now it's in "The Ted," as Ted Turner would like you to call Turner Field, and Dad likes to hang out in the 755 club. So, there was a long time there when I wasn't really paying close attention to the White Sox. But I was still a fan. I went to Braves games because I could, and I rooted for the Braves because they were the home team. But I wasn't necessarily a Braves fan. I didn't have a crush on David Justice or Greg Maddux and certainly not Chipper Jones, who I hate. I don't know why, but I do.
Anyway, upon returning to Chicago after college, I rediscovered my love of the White Sox. I also discovered that, unbeknownst to me, my deep love of the Sox was countered by a deep and irrational hatred of the Cubs. I didn't know I hated the Cubs. I lived in Wrigleyville and my El stop was at Addison - Wrigley Field. It started with game days. I was trying to get home from work and I would be crushed by sweaty stupid cubs fans who came in from the burbs and didn't know how to ride the train or where to get off. But it was more than just the people in my way. It was Sammy Sosa and his big stupid face. It was Dusty Baker and his ardent belief that the media was out to get him. It was that jackass Moises Alou. Don't even get me started on the continued harassment of one Mr. Bartman. Regardless of what he did (which at least 100 other people were trying to do), he did not give up EIGHT MORE RUNS (they were up by 7 or 8 runs when Bartman caught that ball) and he did not lose the next game for them. THERE WAS ANOTHER GAME!
Sorry, I digress. The point is, I might use Cubs fans as an example from time-to-time, as they tend to break a lot of the...
Rules of Baseball Etiquette.
1. Root for your team. You love them, you want them to win, cheer for them, and wear a team shirt or a jersey or whatever. You can even wear an anti-whatever-team-they're-playing shirt. If the Cubs are playing the Cards and you want to wear a shirt proclaiming your firm belief that the Cards suck, go ahead. DO NOT show up to Wrigley Field, when the Cubs are playing any team except the White Sox, wearing a SUX shirt or anything else. It's bad form. Pay attention to the game at hand, people. When the red line series is in full swing and the Sox are kicking your ass, feel free to express your discontent, but unless we're actually playing each other, leave us out of it. This goes double for Sox fans. Do not stoop to their level. If you show up the Comiskey -excuse me - "The Cell" wearing a Cork shirt (funny though it may be), you're an asshole.
2. Watch your mouth. Baseball is a family game. I spent a good part of my childhood in a ballpark, and lots of people bring their kids to the park. If you're unhappy with a call or a play and you want to yell at the field, I guess that's your perogative. But call the guy a bum or come up with something more creative. No one is impressed that you called that guy a shithead, but somebody else just learned a new word.
3. Watch your beer. Sometimes, I bring a purse, sometimes I put my purse under my seat. If you spill your beer, it is going to flow according to the laws of gravity and get all over my purse, someone's nachos and who knows what else. Just give the people in the rows ahead of you a heads up. Or, better yet, don't spill your beer.
4. Watch your kids. Bring your kids to the park. Explain the game, buy them a polish, take them to the bathroom, whatever, it's a fun place. Don't let them explore on their own, for several reasons: A). No one likes your kids like you do. B). There are bad people out there. C). Your kids are annoying. D). I worry. I worry unnecessarily, and if I see your kid wandering around unsupervised, I will worry about him/her. Keep an eye on them. Do the fun stuff WITH THEM.
5. Take your hat off during the national anthem and shut the F up. This should be self-explanitory.
That's about it. Be nice. Think about someone other than yourself, and things will be hunky-dory.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
I Should be Working
I should be working on a paper right now. Two of them, actually. I'm currently working on earning my masters in English Literature so that I can eventually teach high school english - or maybe english at a community college - or maybe get back into publishing - or maybe go get my PhD and THEN do one of those other things. I don't really know. My answer to why I'm in school changes just about every day.
In any case, I should be working on a paper. We have three questions to choose from and have to pick 2 of them and write a 5-6 page paper on each question. This should be easy for me. I was a double major in English Lit and Philosophy and the questions are on Plato and Hume (and Alexander Pope, but, honestly he was out of the running before the race even started. I don't get poetry and I'm sure as hell not going to try and interpret it for a test). But I can't get going. This isn't the parts of Plato and Hume that I care about and so it's hard to form an argument. Plus, my professor gives the impression that he really won't be ok with anything short of exceptional and that's a lot of pressure. Seriously. I don't know that I'm exceptional. I mean, I loved my philosophy classes and I can argue with you on just about any topic for any length of time, but I'm not great at writing philosophy papers. I'm not disciplined enough to edit them properly and they come out all jumbled because my brain jumped two steps ahead and my fingers never caught the stuff I jumped over. What? Exactly.
So, I'm procrastinating. I have a page written, and I think it's ok, but then I went over to Television without Pity and read the latest Charmed recap, and I had some pasta, and now I'm blogging (of all things) because I don't want to face it. However, after about a 1/2 hour of actual work and an hour of putting it off, I think it's time to buckle down. Socrates, here I come.
In any case, I should be working on a paper. We have three questions to choose from and have to pick 2 of them and write a 5-6 page paper on each question. This should be easy for me. I was a double major in English Lit and Philosophy and the questions are on Plato and Hume (and Alexander Pope, but, honestly he was out of the running before the race even started. I don't get poetry and I'm sure as hell not going to try and interpret it for a test). But I can't get going. This isn't the parts of Plato and Hume that I care about and so it's hard to form an argument. Plus, my professor gives the impression that he really won't be ok with anything short of exceptional and that's a lot of pressure. Seriously. I don't know that I'm exceptional. I mean, I loved my philosophy classes and I can argue with you on just about any topic for any length of time, but I'm not great at writing philosophy papers. I'm not disciplined enough to edit them properly and they come out all jumbled because my brain jumped two steps ahead and my fingers never caught the stuff I jumped over. What? Exactly.
So, I'm procrastinating. I have a page written, and I think it's ok, but then I went over to Television without Pity and read the latest Charmed recap, and I had some pasta, and now I'm blogging (of all things) because I don't want to face it. However, after about a 1/2 hour of actual work and an hour of putting it off, I think it's time to buckle down. Socrates, here I come.
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