Thursday, March 15, 2007

I'm a Moody Bitch

At my last appointment with my shrink, she asked if I had experienced any mood swings since starting on the drugs. I said no, other than the week before my period, which is sort of to be expected. Then... um... I had a bad week.

Monday night we went to bowling and actually got out pretty quick - two of our people were out and two were out on the other team so we got through all three games really fast, which was awesome. I got kind of sick Monday night. Not to get into too much gross detail, but I'm lactose intolerant and had pizza at bowling (which I always do and it has never caused me trouble before, but ...). I got up at about one, was hanging out in the bathroom for about an hour and then headed back to bed. By two, my stomach was cramping up again, though there was nothing in there. I think I finally fell asleep around 2:45. Apparently, not long after that, I started having restless dreams.

I'm an active sleeper. I talk, I move a lot and sometimes I walk in my sleep. Monday night, according to Mr, I jumped out of bed to catch someone. I said I was trying to save their life. I don't know.

By 5:20 when the alarm went off, I was TIRED. I walked the dog, got dressed, and headed to work. I was supposed to be there by 7:30, which shouldn't have been a problem, since I was on the road by 6:25. But then I made the mistake of listening to the morning traffic report. They said the Edens was 20 minutes to the junction. Great! I thought. I'll get in even earlier and have less time to make up next week!

That was not the case. It took me over two hours to get to work because of all the crap going on at the Dan Ryan. It seems they shut down all the local lanes and it was negatively affecting traffic everywhere. The feeder ramps were backing up so badly that ALL the roads were f'ed up.

So, I got to work late. Then, because of a computer glitch with the time change, I accidentally left an hour early. Seriously. So, I drove to Grayslake to observe a first year writing course for my teaching class. Then I drove back to the city to go to said teaching class. Traffic. Not good. Another two hours. Actually, a little more than two hours.

So, I FINALLY get home around 10. The weather is lovely and, though I'm tired, I'm pretty happy. I get out of the car. I'm carrying a lot of crap. I can't see the lock to get my key in and am about to drop stuff. I get annoyed because Mr is home and I know Hank alerted him to my presences, so why can't he open the fucking door already!?!

I finally get the door open, and nearly lose all the crap I'm holding. I'm now in a bad mood. Why couldn't he help me? "I was about to and then you got the key in" Arg.

So, I'm trying to stay nice. Throughout the day, I've also been having issues with my flippin' cell phone. The speaker phone is unreliable. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. T-Mobile has to go through all these trouble-shooting processes to test it. Of course, it works when they test it so they can't help me. Someone, around 5:30pm Tuesday, sent me some sort of multi-media message. Though my phone is MMS capable, I don't subscribe to T-Zones, so I can't get it. But, before I discover this, I call T-Mobile.
"Hi. there's an icon I've never seen flashing on my phone and I don't know why and I can't get it to go away."
"What does it look like?"
"Um... It looks like the text-message icon. It's a little book or something, but it has a red flashing rectangle on it."
"Can you hold while I try to look that up?"
10 minutes later
"I can't find a book anywhere"
"Maybe it's an envelope?"
"oh. That means you have a message. Just go to your inbox"
"But I went to my inbox and there's nothing there."
"Um. You'll have to go to T-Zones and look around"
"I don't have t-zones"
"oh. Well, it's in your inbox on t-zones."
"ok. great. thanks"

I hung up. So, when I got home, I wanted to go on T-Mobiles site and try to figure out how to get this flashing thing off my phone. So I ask Mr. "Is your computer here?" (he keeps his computer in the living room most of the time because we have wireless internet and he like to surf and watch tv). He says that it is, but it isn't on, is under the couch (he makes no move to get it) and I'll have to go get the charger because the battery is dead. He just sits there.

So I leave wordlessly to go up to my computer. I'm getting angry. Because if I'm using my computer and then turn it off and he wants to use it, he sees nothing wrong with just turning it right back on. This bugs me because I don't think it is good to turn a computer on and off over and over again. I know that this is a little irrational but... whatever, it's my computer. Of course, if his computer is off, and I want to use it well.. it's off. But, whatever, I start trying to look around and see if I can figure out my phone. I can't. I also can't see when my contract expires and when I can get a new phone. I'm pissed that I paid for this phone, I should have just kept using the old one, and will probably go back to it, but I'm frustrated. I go to bed.

Now the fun starts. Mr is bugging me. I'm super tired and cranky and looking at the clock trying to figure out when I need to get up in the morning. In the morning I need to shower (not really negotiable) walk the dog and get to work. I am sort of pissed because he can sleep until 6:45 and still be on time so why am I getting up before dawn? So, I set the clock, pissed because I'm already tired and not going to get enough sleep. He makes comments about me being angry, which, dear lord, there is NOTHING that guarantees my anger like telling me how I feel. I push him over on his side of the bed. He makes more comments. I stay silent and try to sleep. At this point, I am no longer a reliable narrator, because I said some stuff, I thought I was awake, but apparently, I wasn't. I thought I said "I can't sleep I'm going downstairs."

He says it went more like this:
"Do you even like me anymore?"
"I can't sleep. I'm going downstairs"

He comes downstairs a few minutes later and tells me I should go to bed. I went. He stayed. Because he's an insomniac and he really couldn't sleep.

The alarm goes off and I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I decide to be late. I reset it and go back to bed. Continue to hit snooze until I've missed not only my really on-time train but the cutting-it-close train too. I ask him to walk the dog because it is already 7. Sure, no problem. He starts talking about me being angry again. Gah! Now I'm angry again. I was just grumpy from being tired as fuck, but now I'm mad again.

I leave for work. Think about why I'm mad. Decide to not be mad because really I'm just tired. We have some pleasant e-mails. I come home (after a couple beers after work), and am pleasant. He says:

"Is one of the side-effects of your medicine drastic mood-swings?"


Another blog has a wonderful description of how I felt. Only the mood-swinger in this post is, I think, four. So she kind of has an excuse.

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