It isn't that I'm dying to get married. Or even that I have a "dream" wedding in my head. I haven't been fantasizing about my wedding day since I was a little girl. I assumed I would be married, at some point, but I never really dreamed about the wedding itself. And it isn't that I'm really dreaming about it now. I'm worried.
And, of course, I'm not engaged either.
I know. It's stupid and annoying and horribly ... I don't know... Typical?
My boyfriend and I have discussed marriage. At this point it is understood that, at some point in the near future (like a year or so), he will propose. I will say yes. I'm not worried about being married to him. I like him a whole lot. We get along really well. I think we'll have a pretty sweet life together.
It's the wedding I'm worried about. Who to invite? Where to have it? Who to preside? Should we have a religious ceremony or a secular one? Should we have a "destination" wedding? Flowers, the place, the reception... The list goes on forever. And I know, without a doubt, that I will be responsible for all of it. He won't help plan anything, he'll just bitch about stuff he doesn't like.
Anyway, my worrying manifests itself in a near-obsession with all things wedding related. I check theknot.com all the time. I have considered getting an account on the knot - you know, to get a jump on things. I mean, it's ridiculous. Today, I was really excited because I found a wedding favor that would be just perfect for us. Except, you know, we're not engaged and I'm clearly INSANE.
I must break my addiction/obsession by going cold-turkey. I will not indulge co-workers bitching about siblings' weddings, I will not go on theknot.com. I will not read articles on MSN about thrifty honeymoon spots. I will pretend that I'm not engaged and planning a wedding. Which. You know. Shouldn't be that hard because I'M NOT.
God. I even annoy myself sometimes.