I went to a women's college. It is a very good women's college and consistently ranks very high in the US News & World Report listing of colleges. My education there framed how I interpret a lot of things in our culture.
Virtually every course had at least a section on women in that field, if not a specifically feminist bent (of course, this is probably less true for science, math, or business majors but as and English and Philosophy major, a LOT of my classes focused heavily on women writers and feminist works).
I'm very proud of my school and proud that I went there. After my wedding, I sent in my update about what alumnae were in and at the wedding. Last week, I got an email from someone at the Alumnae Relations office, saying that they had gotten a notice that I had married Jason, but their records said Mr. I corrected her.
Yesterday, I got a lovely little card from them congratulating us.
It was addressed to Mr & Mrs Husband Newlastname.
So, all that feminist education, all the messages that we are the leaders of tomorrow? You are still reduced to Mrs. Husband.
This seems off to me. It is really bothering me. I know that is the traditional way to do things, but we were taught that traditions are to be respected when they make sense, not just because they are traditions. Is it so hard to write Mr & Mrs Husband & Wife Newlastname?
Showing posts with label Bitching n' Moaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bitching n' Moaning. Show all posts
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I Love Winter
You know what's worse than not having enough warm layers on a long walk from the train to work? Having too many.
I had to walk a little farther today since I needed to pick up some pastries for my floor holiday party, and I tend to walk with purpose. There is no moseying along for me. Overheating in the winter sucks because you can't just take off your coat and cool down. So, you sweat, while your face is freezing.
You know what else is awesome? Doing all of that the day after you decide to switch to plain deodorant with no antiperspirant.
I smell like a zoo.
I got to my desk, took off my many layers and went to the ladies' room. I also took off my sweater, so that I could cool off sooner. Not only am I a little damp, but my back is basically wet. Like, I can see a big circle on the back of my blouse, which now looks like I picked it up off the floor instead of having recently washed and ironed it. I honestly considered losing the blouse and just wearing the sweater except my sweater is white and kind of thin, so that isn't really an option. I just hope it is enough to cover my now-wrinkled shirt so that no one wonders when I showered last (this morning, if you're wondering).
I had to walk a little farther today since I needed to pick up some pastries for my floor holiday party, and I tend to walk with purpose. There is no moseying along for me. Overheating in the winter sucks because you can't just take off your coat and cool down. So, you sweat, while your face is freezing.
You know what else is awesome? Doing all of that the day after you decide to switch to plain deodorant with no antiperspirant.
I smell like a zoo.
I got to my desk, took off my many layers and went to the ladies' room. I also took off my sweater, so that I could cool off sooner. Not only am I a little damp, but my back is basically wet. Like, I can see a big circle on the back of my blouse, which now looks like I picked it up off the floor instead of having recently washed and ironed it. I honestly considered losing the blouse and just wearing the sweater except my sweater is white and kind of thin, so that isn't really an option. I just hope it is enough to cover my now-wrinkled shirt so that no one wonders when I showered last (this morning, if you're wondering).
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Another Word on Weddings
I had no idea what was involved in planning a wedding before I planned one. Whenever I was invited to a wedding I tried to be polite and generally not bother the couple as much as possible. I think most people do this. I have tried not to be bridezilla, and I think I've done a fairly good job, but I just have to rant a little bit.
When you get a pre-addressed, pre-stamped rsvp card, please use it. I know that your life is complicated, and it takes time to figure things out, so I understand that you can't respond by the next day. However, there is a reason that there is a date you are supposed to respond by. It's because I have to tell the caterer how much food I need, and I have to pay for that food. If you haven't responded by the week before the wedding, respond that you are not coming. They are assuming you are not coming. Either don't do anything or respond with a no. This applies even as you are approaching 90. Yes, we can make room for one more, but please don't be offended that your name is not listed on the seating chart. It's because I did the seating chart more than three days before the wedding.
If you are invited to a rehearsal dinner. Respond. Most rehearsals are small and one person can make a big difference.
If you are strapped for cash, and need a place to stay, figure it out before the week of the wedding. If you don't, don't ask bridesmaids who are coming from out of town if you can stay with them. It puts them and inevitably, the bride, in an awkward situation. Also, if you read this and feel bad, don't call me and apologize. It's ok. I know, you didn't mean to offend, or anything, but you were busy and didn't get to it. I know. But I just had to get that off my chest.
When you get a pre-addressed, pre-stamped rsvp card, please use it. I know that your life is complicated, and it takes time to figure things out, so I understand that you can't respond by the next day. However, there is a reason that there is a date you are supposed to respond by. It's because I have to tell the caterer how much food I need, and I have to pay for that food. If you haven't responded by the week before the wedding, respond that you are not coming. They are assuming you are not coming. Either don't do anything or respond with a no. This applies even as you are approaching 90. Yes, we can make room for one more, but please don't be offended that your name is not listed on the seating chart. It's because I did the seating chart more than three days before the wedding.
If you are invited to a rehearsal dinner. Respond. Most rehearsals are small and one person can make a big difference.
If you are strapped for cash, and need a place to stay, figure it out before the week of the wedding. If you don't, don't ask bridesmaids who are coming from out of town if you can stay with them. It puts them and inevitably, the bride, in an awkward situation. Also, if you read this and feel bad, don't call me and apologize. It's ok. I know, you didn't mean to offend, or anything, but you were busy and didn't get to it. I know. But I just had to get that off my chest.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Sigh: Update
I am not fretting over the bridal shower any more. I got our invitation in the mail the day before yesterday - so it probably had gone out when I wrote that post. Regardless, I've decided not to worry about it. I've decided to remember that the point of the party is to celebrate that Mr & I are getting married. I cannot force people to celebrate us and, if they would rather hang out in Cousin's backyard (which is, admittedly, a cool place to be) then that's where they should be. I'm not going to worry about being the center of attention because I don't really want to be the center of attention. I mean, I am very excited about being married - I love Mr, and I am thrilled that we will soon be Mr & Mrs, but that is the only thing that is important here: the fact that I am excited about it. The shower is for other people to join us in the excitement and if that is inconvenient for others, then I would really rather they be where they want to be. Does that make sense?
The day my deal starts is always an emotional roller coaster, and the evite reminder came at a bad time. The shower will be fun even if only my parents and their friends show up - my parents have fun friends and our friends are fun. My cousins are fun, too, but there will be other opportunities to socialize with them if they choose to go somewhere else that night.
The day my deal starts is always an emotional roller coaster, and the evite reminder came at a bad time. The shower will be fun even if only my parents and their friends show up - my parents have fun friends and our friends are fun. My cousins are fun, too, but there will be other opportunities to socialize with them if they choose to go somewhere else that night.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The Shortest Torso in the World
Apparently, my torso is freakishly short. I've always known that it was on the short side, but I just thought my legs were long for my body. I mean, that sounds better, right? I have really long legs v I have a really short torso... it just sounds better.
One time, a year or so ago, a friend of mine learned that the length of your arms from the tip of one middle finger, across your back, to the other middle finger, is supposed to be equal to your height. She was very excited about this information and insisted on measuring everyone. My wingspan is like 4'11" or something like that. I am 5'3" (and a half! I'm tall! ok, no). This, I thought, supported my theory that my legs are long for my body.
But, no. It seems my body is short for my legs.
I went to Ann Taylor Loft yesterday, on the advice of a friend who said that they have a great petites section with lots of stuff cut for our height (she is probably an inch shorter than me). While I did get a super cute, black, linen, trumpet skirt, I could not find any kind of top that fit me.
I recently applied for a job, and while I still don't have an interview, I am naturally shopping for my interview outfit (though I will not be wearing the skirt I bought. Linen on an interview is a bad idea. You want to look crisp and put-together, not all wrinkly).
ATL had these short-sleeve button-down shirts that seemed perfect. First, they were a shade of blue that really looked good with my eyes - kind of soft, gray-blue - and they had darts so it was fitted and was made of a material with a little give, but no so much Lycra that it never looks pressed. Plus, the first button was placed perfectly... You know what? I'm just going to find a link to it. Hold on... Here. The v-neck is perfect in that it opens up my face, and isn't too low where I'd be worried about being indecent.
So, I grabbed two - the size I was before I lost weight, and the size I usually am now. I've found that petites tend to be slightly smaller than regulars and I still have a bit of a tummy, so sometimes fitted shirts have to be a size up. I optimistically tried on the smaller size first. Too big. Not a lot, and I worried that the next size down would really show the tummy, but it was all weird in the boob area, so I tried the next size down. Now, it was definitely as small as I could go, but the boob part was all goofy. Then I realized, it wasn't that my boobs were to small. I picked it up at the shoulder seams and folded it about an inch. The darts raised up to the proper position, so that my chest was where it should be, the waist just skimmed along my tummy and the bottom on the shirt was perfectly placed so that you could wear it untucked and still look good because it was clearly meant to be untucked.
So, even in the petite sizes, my torso is too small. They seem to decrease/increase the shirt in every way every two sizes or so. Because women who wear a petite twelve are taller than a woman who wears a petite four. Because no one is just bigger. Right? It is so frustrating. When I was heavier, it was downright hilarious trying to find tailored women's shirts. By the time I got a size big enough to fit my width, I would generally have about six extra inches of height on a shirt that had no where to go. It is frustrating to find that, even now, at a pretty healthy weight, I'm still not the right proportion. Because I'm not 100 pounds, and I'm under 5'6", most clothes just don't fit. Of course, I could starve myself for the next six months, lose ten or twenty pounds until I fit into a small enough shirt that the proportions have shrunk, but I just don't think it is worth it.
Good thing I like my tailor. I wonder how hard it is to adjust a blouse?
One time, a year or so ago, a friend of mine learned that the length of your arms from the tip of one middle finger, across your back, to the other middle finger, is supposed to be equal to your height. She was very excited about this information and insisted on measuring everyone. My wingspan is like 4'11" or something like that. I am 5'3" (and a half! I'm tall! ok, no). This, I thought, supported my theory that my legs are long for my body.
But, no. It seems my body is short for my legs.
I went to Ann Taylor Loft yesterday, on the advice of a friend who said that they have a great petites section with lots of stuff cut for our height (she is probably an inch shorter than me). While I did get a super cute, black, linen, trumpet skirt, I could not find any kind of top that fit me.
I recently applied for a job, and while I still don't have an interview, I am naturally shopping for my interview outfit (though I will not be wearing the skirt I bought. Linen on an interview is a bad idea. You want to look crisp and put-together, not all wrinkly).
ATL had these short-sleeve button-down shirts that seemed perfect. First, they were a shade of blue that really looked good with my eyes - kind of soft, gray-blue - and they had darts so it was fitted and was made of a material with a little give, but no so much Lycra that it never looks pressed. Plus, the first button was placed perfectly... You know what? I'm just going to find a link to it. Hold on... Here. The v-neck is perfect in that it opens up my face, and isn't too low where I'd be worried about being indecent.
So, I grabbed two - the size I was before I lost weight, and the size I usually am now. I've found that petites tend to be slightly smaller than regulars and I still have a bit of a tummy, so sometimes fitted shirts have to be a size up. I optimistically tried on the smaller size first. Too big. Not a lot, and I worried that the next size down would really show the tummy, but it was all weird in the boob area, so I tried the next size down. Now, it was definitely as small as I could go, but the boob part was all goofy. Then I realized, it wasn't that my boobs were to small. I picked it up at the shoulder seams and folded it about an inch. The darts raised up to the proper position, so that my chest was where it should be, the waist just skimmed along my tummy and the bottom on the shirt was perfectly placed so that you could wear it untucked and still look good because it was clearly meant to be untucked.
So, even in the petite sizes, my torso is too small. They seem to decrease/increase the shirt in every way every two sizes or so. Because women who wear a petite twelve are taller than a woman who wears a petite four. Because no one is just bigger. Right? It is so frustrating. When I was heavier, it was downright hilarious trying to find tailored women's shirts. By the time I got a size big enough to fit my width, I would generally have about six extra inches of height on a shirt that had no where to go. It is frustrating to find that, even now, at a pretty healthy weight, I'm still not the right proportion. Because I'm not 100 pounds, and I'm under 5'6", most clothes just don't fit. Of course, I could starve myself for the next six months, lose ten or twenty pounds until I fit into a small enough shirt that the proportions have shrunk, but I just don't think it is worth it.
Good thing I like my tailor. I wonder how hard it is to adjust a blouse?
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Sigh
Sometimes, family is tough. I have a cousin who is a very fun guy. He is always coming up with great ideas for excursions and vacations and throws a really good party. However, he is also frequently completely clueless to the world around him.
He sent out a mass email to a bunch of us (cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, etc) about a party that was about two and a half months away. Just a heads up that we'd be getting an evite from a friend of his who we probably don't know. The party was scheduled for the same day as the shower being thrown for Mr & me.
He would have no way of knowing this, since the invites hadn't gone out yet. So, I replied to everyone to say that my shower was that same date. (In my family, we throw couples showers, so it is really more of a party that involves everyone and is generally later at night - dinner and whatnot). One person (another cousin, not the one throwing this party) responded, saying he hadn't heard about that yet and he and his wife might have another commitment.
My cousin just sent out another notice with the evite for the party, which the date hasn't changed, saying they want to get a head count. It is still over a month away and, as far as I know, the invites for my shower have yet to go out. Cousin's party starts at 7. My party is supposed to be a barbecue - so it will probably start around 5:30 or 6. Mr says I shouldn't worry - Cousin and his younger brother (who is scheduled to sing and play guitar at Cousin's party) will be the only ones who leave. However, at least one of my uncles has already responded to the evite saying they will be there.
I'm not inviting many friends to the shower - only the people in my wedding party - so, this is really a family affair. I'm worried that all of the younger cousins will ditch the shower early to go to Cousin's party, leaving me and Mr with my older relatives and my parents' friends, resulting in exactly the type of situation Mr was dreading in the first place, which is why he didn't want a shower.
Of course, his groomsmen and wives will most likely be there so, it won't be a total loss. I like all of those guys and their wives & girlfriends. We'll have fun. But I can't help but feel like I keep getting screwed out of what all of my other cousins have gotten when they were at this point in their lives. It seems like everything I do for our wedding is somehow scheduled inconveniently, and I'm tired of getting teased/asked about it (our actual wedding date is the same as the Notre Dame/USC game and the vast majority of my family is BIG ND fans/alumni). I know that I'm overreacting a little bit. I mean, if they don't want to be there, why would I want them there? And maybe, when they get the invitation, they'll change their plans and be there for me. And I am at a particularly hormonal time of the month, so maybe next week this will seem like no big deal. However, at the moment, I just wish that I wasn't always second to something else and a bit of an inconvenience for everyone. I wish that everyone was as excited for my wedding as they have been for everyone else's.
Geez. I'm really good at the whole self-pitying thing.
He sent out a mass email to a bunch of us (cousins, aunts, uncles, friends, etc) about a party that was about two and a half months away. Just a heads up that we'd be getting an evite from a friend of his who we probably don't know. The party was scheduled for the same day as the shower being thrown for Mr & me.
He would have no way of knowing this, since the invites hadn't gone out yet. So, I replied to everyone to say that my shower was that same date. (In my family, we throw couples showers, so it is really more of a party that involves everyone and is generally later at night - dinner and whatnot). One person (another cousin, not the one throwing this party) responded, saying he hadn't heard about that yet and he and his wife might have another commitment.
My cousin just sent out another notice with the evite for the party, which the date hasn't changed, saying they want to get a head count. It is still over a month away and, as far as I know, the invites for my shower have yet to go out. Cousin's party starts at 7. My party is supposed to be a barbecue - so it will probably start around 5:30 or 6. Mr says I shouldn't worry - Cousin and his younger brother (who is scheduled to sing and play guitar at Cousin's party) will be the only ones who leave. However, at least one of my uncles has already responded to the evite saying they will be there.
I'm not inviting many friends to the shower - only the people in my wedding party - so, this is really a family affair. I'm worried that all of the younger cousins will ditch the shower early to go to Cousin's party, leaving me and Mr with my older relatives and my parents' friends, resulting in exactly the type of situation Mr was dreading in the first place, which is why he didn't want a shower.
Of course, his groomsmen and wives will most likely be there so, it won't be a total loss. I like all of those guys and their wives & girlfriends. We'll have fun. But I can't help but feel like I keep getting screwed out of what all of my other cousins have gotten when they were at this point in their lives. It seems like everything I do for our wedding is somehow scheduled inconveniently, and I'm tired of getting teased/asked about it (our actual wedding date is the same as the Notre Dame/USC game and the vast majority of my family is BIG ND fans/alumni). I know that I'm overreacting a little bit. I mean, if they don't want to be there, why would I want them there? And maybe, when they get the invitation, they'll change their plans and be there for me. And I am at a particularly hormonal time of the month, so maybe next week this will seem like no big deal. However, at the moment, I just wish that I wasn't always second to something else and a bit of an inconvenience for everyone. I wish that everyone was as excited for my wedding as they have been for everyone else's.
Geez. I'm really good at the whole self-pitying thing.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Cell Phones Upset Me
When it comes to high-tech gadgets, I have something of a split personality. While I love the newest, latest, most high-tech things, I don't have the uncontrollable urge to get them for myself. I usually know what's out there, but it takes me a while to get them myself. I just got the Shuffle, which I'm loving, but I didn't buy an iPod until they'd been out for a couple of years, and when I did buy it, I waited until the color-screen version was just released, and then I bought the old two-tone screen one on sale.
When it comes to cell phones, I want something new and fancy, and I'm jealous of friends who get new fancy stuff. However, I myself just want something that I think looks cool and has good sound quality. I like having a camera, because then I can have a picture of Hank on my phone, but all the other bells and whistles tend to not tempt me.
I have been using the Samsung t509 from T-Mobile, and I hate it. At first, I really liked it. It is very slim and everything about it was good. Except that, when the keys were locked it would sometimes dial SOS, and I would take it out of my purse to discover that it was dialing an emergency call. T-Mobile couldn't fix it, so they sent me a replacement. The replacement is... not good. I almost always have trouble hearing the people I'm talking to, and I've heard that my voice breaks up, too. This isn't really something they can fix since, technically, it works. It just isn't as good as the first one I got. Plus, though it is skinny, it is really tall and frequently, it pokes out of my pocket. Part of this is the fact that clothing manufacturers seem to think that pockets are for decoration on women's clothes, but that is a topic for a different rant.
The point is: I don't like the phone. But, I paid for it - actually called them up and paid them money for a phone, when I had one that worked perfectly (which I also bought instead of waiting until my contract could be renewed and getting a low-tech phone for free).
Which made my friend giving me the free Razr he got from At&t perfect - cool, new phone, completely free.
Except that it is locked to at&t's network. T-Mobile said they could unlock it, but they can't. At&t probably won't help me - I'm not their customer, and carriers are notoriously stingy about unlocking phones because then you could use them for anything you want! You could keep your phone and switch networks! The horror! They also will be unlikely to help my friend who is new to them, and therefore has no pull. He thinks because he just spend $600 on the iPhone, they should, but he gave that money to Apple, not them, and I think they won't care.
I have another friend who has been with Cingular for over ten years, and I'm hoping that she'll call for me, but who knows.
Right now, I think I'm going to go back to my old phone, which works fine and is very cute. I just wish I never bought the stupid Samsung to begin with.
*Edited to add: If anyone is interested in my Samsung - when I got it, people seemed to think it was cool - drop me an email, and we can work something out. I would be happy to find it a new home. The guilt of paying for something and not using it would be alleviated if someone else was going to use it. If you're already on T-Mobile, this could be very easy indeed. Drop me a line at: recordstorerita at hotmail dot com
When it comes to cell phones, I want something new and fancy, and I'm jealous of friends who get new fancy stuff. However, I myself just want something that I think looks cool and has good sound quality. I like having a camera, because then I can have a picture of Hank on my phone, but all the other bells and whistles tend to not tempt me.
I have been using the Samsung t509 from T-Mobile, and I hate it. At first, I really liked it. It is very slim and everything about it was good. Except that, when the keys were locked it would sometimes dial SOS, and I would take it out of my purse to discover that it was dialing an emergency call. T-Mobile couldn't fix it, so they sent me a replacement. The replacement is... not good. I almost always have trouble hearing the people I'm talking to, and I've heard that my voice breaks up, too. This isn't really something they can fix since, technically, it works. It just isn't as good as the first one I got. Plus, though it is skinny, it is really tall and frequently, it pokes out of my pocket. Part of this is the fact that clothing manufacturers seem to think that pockets are for decoration on women's clothes, but that is a topic for a different rant.
The point is: I don't like the phone. But, I paid for it - actually called them up and paid them money for a phone, when I had one that worked perfectly (which I also bought instead of waiting until my contract could be renewed and getting a low-tech phone for free).
Which made my friend giving me the free Razr he got from At&t perfect - cool, new phone, completely free.
Except that it is locked to at&t's network. T-Mobile said they could unlock it, but they can't. At&t probably won't help me - I'm not their customer, and carriers are notoriously stingy about unlocking phones because then you could use them for anything you want! You could keep your phone and switch networks! The horror! They also will be unlikely to help my friend who is new to them, and therefore has no pull. He thinks because he just spend $600 on the iPhone, they should, but he gave that money to Apple, not them, and I think they won't care.
I have another friend who has been with Cingular for over ten years, and I'm hoping that she'll call for me, but who knows.
Right now, I think I'm going to go back to my old phone, which works fine and is very cute. I just wish I never bought the stupid Samsung to begin with.
*Edited to add: If anyone is interested in my Samsung - when I got it, people seemed to think it was cool - drop me an email, and we can work something out. I would be happy to find it a new home. The guilt of paying for something and not using it would be alleviated if someone else was going to use it. If you're already on T-Mobile, this could be very easy indeed. Drop me a line at: recordstorerita at hotmail dot com
Monday, April 02, 2007
Feeling a Little Old
One of the women I work with is about 23ish. I remember 23 and it doesn't seem all that long ago. Today at lunch, however, I realized that 23 was a lifetime ago.
She recounted her weekend, which involved going out, drinking, hooking up with a guy she's liked for a while. Then she asked how my weekend was.
In my defense, I wasn't really up for much but... my answer was lame.
Friday, I was still a little sick, so we didn't do anything. Saturday we ran errands - Dr's office, purchased tile for the bathroom, went to Macy's to see if there was more stuff to register for, went to Sears to look at lawn mowers, and then to IKEA to look at shelves. It was straight out of Old School, when Will Ferrel's talking to the college kid about how they're going to go to Home Depot, and that's the highlight of his weekend. Of course, we also went to our friend's party on Saturday and stayed out until 2:30 am. But, that's like, notable for us because we never stay out that late anymore. She does it every weekend.
Oh, and Sunday? Sunday I slept until noon because I can't go out that late (we were in Homewood, a whole other story, so even though we left the bar at 2:30, we didn't get home until closer to 3:30). The exciting thing about Sunday was that we ordered Wrestlemania 23. Because we're cool.
So cool.
She recounted her weekend, which involved going out, drinking, hooking up with a guy she's liked for a while. Then she asked how my weekend was.
In my defense, I wasn't really up for much but... my answer was lame.
Friday, I was still a little sick, so we didn't do anything. Saturday we ran errands - Dr's office, purchased tile for the bathroom, went to Macy's to see if there was more stuff to register for, went to Sears to look at lawn mowers, and then to IKEA to look at shelves. It was straight out of Old School, when Will Ferrel's talking to the college kid about how they're going to go to Home Depot, and that's the highlight of his weekend. Of course, we also went to our friend's party on Saturday and stayed out until 2:30 am. But, that's like, notable for us because we never stay out that late anymore. She does it every weekend.
Oh, and Sunday? Sunday I slept until noon because I can't go out that late (we were in Homewood, a whole other story, so even though we left the bar at 2:30, we didn't get home until closer to 3:30). The exciting thing about Sunday was that we ordered Wrestlemania 23. Because we're cool.
So cool.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Home Sick
Mr was sick all weekend and I think he gave it to me. I'm usually pretty hearty. If I get sick, he gets sick, but I rarely catch anything from him. This morning I had a hard time getting up (not to surprising considering that I was out really late on Monday and didn't get much sleep the night before). I showered, and got dressed and felt sort of ok. Not great, but whatever. By the time I got my shit together to leave, I was feeling a little queasy. By the time I was almost to the highway, I was near tears thinking about how I didn't want to go to work. This was my clue. When I'm sick, tears are always near the surface.
So, I called home and told Mr I was on my way back and called work and said I was sick. I've been in my pj's and on the couch since. It's a very weird thing going around. My stomach feels like iron and my guts keep clenching up. I had a small bowl of cereal, but it didn't sit well and I can't quite bring myself to eat anything else. Is it wrong that I'm hoping this will result in weight loss?
I get a little dizzy if I stand up or walk around, so I've been sitting on the couch. It took me about half an hour to work up the nerve to go upstairs and get my computer. I was thinking it would be fun to lay on the couch and play The Sims all day. I love The Sims. When I got my mac I was so sad that I would have to give up Sims - I'd bought all the expansion packs. What? You knew I was a nerd.
But Mac had a complete set - all the expansion pack and everything - for really cheap, so I bought it. It's sweet. Sadly, many of my things are still in boxes and, being that I don't have time to sit around staring at my computer all that often, I haven't played it since we moved. I dug through some boxes and almost passed out trying to find it. Somehow all of my PC Sims games are in the box with everything else that was in my desk, but no Mac Sims. I found the instructional booklet, but no disc. How can that be? I swear I've seen the case, but I can't find it now. Sad.
Today's supposed to be the first day of classes, too. There's no way I can drive, so I have to skip the first class and, if I have what Mr had, I'll be worse tomorrow. So, I need to look up my professor's email addresses and see if I can get electronic versions of the syllabi so I don't get behind. It makes me sad that I have to start worrying about homework again. But, I'm so close to finishing my master's I can practically taste it. I love school but I'm ready to be done. This week off has been awesome. Coming home from work and having time to talk to Mr and watch tv or whatever is so nice.
My spring break consisted of Romance novels. I was so happy with The Duke and I that I bought two more of the Bridgerton series: An Offer from a Gentleman, featuring Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie (the bastard daughter of an earl), and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, about Colin and Penelope Featherington. Offer was excellent. Unlike Duke, where I was smiling and feeling giddy the whole time I read, I cried through a good part of it. It was excellent. Sadly, Romancing was not as enjoyable. Through all the books, the Featherington girls are plain and poorly dressed and totally uninteresting. I just couldn't really care about Penelope. She supposedly bloomed or whatever, and Colin's all pissed that he didn't notice her sooner, but I just didn't buy it. Overall though it was a great spring break treat. I love Julia Quinn, and I think I'll buy a couple more of her books the next time I go on vacation.
I know I'm sick when blogging wears me out. I think I'll watch a little Charmed on TNT (four hours of it! Another guilty pleasure of mine, though I can't f'ing stand Billie and lately they've been running the last season [was she on the last two seasons?]) and take a nap.
So, I called home and told Mr I was on my way back and called work and said I was sick. I've been in my pj's and on the couch since. It's a very weird thing going around. My stomach feels like iron and my guts keep clenching up. I had a small bowl of cereal, but it didn't sit well and I can't quite bring myself to eat anything else. Is it wrong that I'm hoping this will result in weight loss?
I get a little dizzy if I stand up or walk around, so I've been sitting on the couch. It took me about half an hour to work up the nerve to go upstairs and get my computer. I was thinking it would be fun to lay on the couch and play The Sims all day. I love The Sims. When I got my mac I was so sad that I would have to give up Sims - I'd bought all the expansion packs. What? You knew I was a nerd.
But Mac had a complete set - all the expansion pack and everything - for really cheap, so I bought it. It's sweet. Sadly, many of my things are still in boxes and, being that I don't have time to sit around staring at my computer all that often, I haven't played it since we moved. I dug through some boxes and almost passed out trying to find it. Somehow all of my PC Sims games are in the box with everything else that was in my desk, but no Mac Sims. I found the instructional booklet, but no disc. How can that be? I swear I've seen the case, but I can't find it now. Sad.
Today's supposed to be the first day of classes, too. There's no way I can drive, so I have to skip the first class and, if I have what Mr had, I'll be worse tomorrow. So, I need to look up my professor's email addresses and see if I can get electronic versions of the syllabi so I don't get behind. It makes me sad that I have to start worrying about homework again. But, I'm so close to finishing my master's I can practically taste it. I love school but I'm ready to be done. This week off has been awesome. Coming home from work and having time to talk to Mr and watch tv or whatever is so nice.
My spring break consisted of Romance novels. I was so happy with The Duke and I that I bought two more of the Bridgerton series: An Offer from a Gentleman, featuring Benedict Bridgerton and Sophie (the bastard daughter of an earl), and Romancing Mr. Bridgerton, about Colin and Penelope Featherington. Offer was excellent. Unlike Duke, where I was smiling and feeling giddy the whole time I read, I cried through a good part of it. It was excellent. Sadly, Romancing was not as enjoyable. Through all the books, the Featherington girls are plain and poorly dressed and totally uninteresting. I just couldn't really care about Penelope. She supposedly bloomed or whatever, and Colin's all pissed that he didn't notice her sooner, but I just didn't buy it. Overall though it was a great spring break treat. I love Julia Quinn, and I think I'll buy a couple more of her books the next time I go on vacation.
I know I'm sick when blogging wears me out. I think I'll watch a little Charmed on TNT (four hours of it! Another guilty pleasure of mine, though I can't f'ing stand Billie and lately they've been running the last season [was she on the last two seasons?]) and take a nap.
Monday, March 26, 2007
100 Posts, and I Still Have No Direction
Ok. So. 100 posts. Wow
This particular post has no aim. Or, rather, I could separate this out into four or so posts, but we both know I won't get around to it. So, feel free to wander and ignore what you choose.
Last Weekend's Unfortunate Events
Nothing horribly bad happened last weekend, but I referred to it as bad in the last post, so I was going for consistency. I was playing with Hank, kicking a soccer ball around the house. Hank loves this. It is a rather old ball and he can sort of pick it up, but mostly Hank is the most awesome goalie ever and has mad stopping skills with his paws. It cracks me up. So, I was kicking a ball around the house, and ... well. We all know I'm not coordinated. I sort of kicked the corner of the wall. I caught the wall with my little toe. It hurt.
For a while I thought the toe was broken. Then, it turned purple and I thought for sure it was broken. Two days later, it was feeling so much better, I though it was a-ok. Friday I took Hank for a walk, was startled by a big big dog, jumped, and it hurt again. Sunday I was feeling pretty dandy, accidentally kicked Mr's boots (which were NOT where they belong) and now it hurts worse than ever.
The upside is that I bowled really well last week with an injured toe. I hoping to repeat the process this week.
March Madness is Dead
Though I may have made some good points in my bracket article, my bracket fell apart this week. Who would have thought that there could possibly be a repeat of last year's championship? I had Ohio State going all the way. But, since Ohio is the only one of my final four teams to actually make it, I'm mathematically eliminated from the pool. I guess Mavis' plan wasn't such a bad one after all.
Jayson Stark Rocks
If you enjoy sports writing at all, I highly recommend checking out Jayson Stark at espn.com. He's their senior baseball writer, and I love him. The only thing I don't love is that a lot of his columns are "insider" so, you have to pay to read them. However, I recently tried to find his articles (I wrote about it here). I wanted his articles for an assignment I was working on. I didn't take Mano's advice and look at my library, I just used a different article from Women's Health Magazine.
But I emailed Stark. I loved those articles on the White Sox. He sometimes writes about baseball in a way that brings forth all the feeling of all the reasons why I love it, if that makes any sense. Anyway. This weekend, he wrote me back! And sent me the articles! Who cares if he called me "Lisa."
The Blog
I'm trying to update the color scheme to something more springy and less cookie-cutter. I have no knowledge of anything in this area, so it might look really bad. Bear with me.
Does anyone know how to list previous posts by title in the sidebar? I can't figure it out.
I Hate Kobe Bryant
This was totally unplanned but, while looking up the Stark links, I came across this. You can read it, if you like, but basically it says that Kobe Bryant is a better basketball player than Micheal Jordan. Um. No. Whatever. He's an asshole, and he should be shunned from the media. I don't know why the media - sportsmedia specifically, but all media really - has to pick some guys who's - pardon the phrase - dick they suck, regardless of what he's done. There are great players in sports who get no attention at all. Does Kobe have some great talent on the court? Yes. That's undeniable. The article I linked to there highlights some of the things he's done that couldn't be done by anyone else. However. The author plays off Kobe's unpopularity by saying that Kobe gets unfair treatment. He compares him to A-Rod. To Jordan (who wasn't the world's best teammate). He says:
"Of course, the idea that Kobe is better than Jordan -- or even the best player in this league -- is as repugnant to some folks as a rectal exam. Even though Kobe has proven himself under pressure countless times, he gets the A-Rod treatment."
Ok. Yes. That is repugnant to me.
He continues:
"Kobe can't please anyone. And it doesn't help that most people suffer from revisionist history when it comes to Jordan, forgetting that he was just as poor a teammate and a ball hog and that he ran off coach Doug Collins like Kobe ran off Phil Jackson the first time.
In fact, you could argue that Jordan was even worse. Far as we know, Kobe hasn't jacked up any of his teammates the way Jordan punched out Steve Kerr and Will Perdue at practice.
Kobe will never be forgiven for Shaq's departure, but you're delusional if you think Jordan wouldn't have had any ego issues playing alongside a player with Shaq's star power.
The best-player argument shouldn't be determined by personal dislike. But if you want to take it there, fine. Jordan was hardly the ideal husband, but only the tabloids were brave enough to venture into his personal life. And what about those gambling issues? If Jordan's life had been covered like Kobe's, we would have an entirely different opinion of His Airness."
Ok. There are some lapses in logic here.
Jordan did benefit from some fantastic PR. And yes, Jordan got lucky "retiring" when he did so that his gambling issues were barely made public. And I'm sure that Jordan was "hardly the ideal husband." So, poor Kobe's picked on. Kobe hasn't done anything anybody else didn't do. Jordan was never (as far as I know - I could be wrong) accused of rape.
Kobe Bryant slept with a woman who was not his wife who, at best, was too scared of him to say no in a way that he would understand. He raped her. And then his lawyers let her identity leak out into the media and she was unable to get a fair trial. He raped a girl. He is a rapist. This is no hero. You want to talk about his skills? I guess that's your prerogative. I would much rather hear about all those other guys you say are almost as good as Kobe, but whatever, that's your choice to write about it.
But don't pretend like he didn't earn his bad reputation, or that Micheal Jordan is only liked because he's good at putting forth a false face. The only reason Kobe Bryant was not convicted of rape was because of the way that case was mishandled. Even when it was going on, the announcers couldn't stop talking about "how brave" Kobe was for playing his best "considering all he's been through." He raped a woman. You think he's disliked because he's a bad teammate? Because Shaq left? Players leave teams all the time. He's disliked because he's an asshole. Move on to some other guy already.
This particular post has no aim. Or, rather, I could separate this out into four or so posts, but we both know I won't get around to it. So, feel free to wander and ignore what you choose.
Last Weekend's Unfortunate Events
Nothing horribly bad happened last weekend, but I referred to it as bad in the last post, so I was going for consistency. I was playing with Hank, kicking a soccer ball around the house. Hank loves this. It is a rather old ball and he can sort of pick it up, but mostly Hank is the most awesome goalie ever and has mad stopping skills with his paws. It cracks me up. So, I was kicking a ball around the house, and ... well. We all know I'm not coordinated. I sort of kicked the corner of the wall. I caught the wall with my little toe. It hurt.
For a while I thought the toe was broken. Then, it turned purple and I thought for sure it was broken. Two days later, it was feeling so much better, I though it was a-ok. Friday I took Hank for a walk, was startled by a big big dog, jumped, and it hurt again. Sunday I was feeling pretty dandy, accidentally kicked Mr's boots (which were NOT where they belong) and now it hurts worse than ever.
The upside is that I bowled really well last week with an injured toe. I hoping to repeat the process this week.
March Madness is Dead
Though I may have made some good points in my bracket article, my bracket fell apart this week. Who would have thought that there could possibly be a repeat of last year's championship? I had Ohio State going all the way. But, since Ohio is the only one of my final four teams to actually make it, I'm mathematically eliminated from the pool. I guess Mavis' plan wasn't such a bad one after all.
Jayson Stark Rocks
If you enjoy sports writing at all, I highly recommend checking out Jayson Stark at espn.com. He's their senior baseball writer, and I love him. The only thing I don't love is that a lot of his columns are "insider" so, you have to pay to read them. However, I recently tried to find his articles (I wrote about it here). I wanted his articles for an assignment I was working on. I didn't take Mano's advice and look at my library, I just used a different article from Women's Health Magazine.
But I emailed Stark. I loved those articles on the White Sox. He sometimes writes about baseball in a way that brings forth all the feeling of all the reasons why I love it, if that makes any sense. Anyway. This weekend, he wrote me back! And sent me the articles! Who cares if he called me "Lisa."
The Blog
I'm trying to update the color scheme to something more springy and less cookie-cutter. I have no knowledge of anything in this area, so it might look really bad. Bear with me.
Does anyone know how to list previous posts by title in the sidebar? I can't figure it out.
I Hate Kobe Bryant
This was totally unplanned but, while looking up the Stark links, I came across this. You can read it, if you like, but basically it says that Kobe Bryant is a better basketball player than Micheal Jordan. Um. No. Whatever. He's an asshole, and he should be shunned from the media. I don't know why the media - sportsmedia specifically, but all media really - has to pick some guys who's - pardon the phrase - dick they suck, regardless of what he's done. There are great players in sports who get no attention at all. Does Kobe have some great talent on the court? Yes. That's undeniable. The article I linked to there highlights some of the things he's done that couldn't be done by anyone else. However. The author plays off Kobe's unpopularity by saying that Kobe gets unfair treatment. He compares him to A-Rod. To Jordan (who wasn't the world's best teammate). He says:
"Of course, the idea that Kobe is better than Jordan -- or even the best player in this league -- is as repugnant to some folks as a rectal exam. Even though Kobe has proven himself under pressure countless times, he gets the A-Rod treatment."
Ok. Yes. That is repugnant to me.
He continues:
"Kobe can't please anyone. And it doesn't help that most people suffer from revisionist history when it comes to Jordan, forgetting that he was just as poor a teammate and a ball hog and that he ran off coach Doug Collins like Kobe ran off Phil Jackson the first time.
In fact, you could argue that Jordan was even worse. Far as we know, Kobe hasn't jacked up any of his teammates the way Jordan punched out Steve Kerr and Will Perdue at practice.
Kobe will never be forgiven for Shaq's departure, but you're delusional if you think Jordan wouldn't have had any ego issues playing alongside a player with Shaq's star power.
The best-player argument shouldn't be determined by personal dislike. But if you want to take it there, fine. Jordan was hardly the ideal husband, but only the tabloids were brave enough to venture into his personal life. And what about those gambling issues? If Jordan's life had been covered like Kobe's, we would have an entirely different opinion of His Airness."
Ok. There are some lapses in logic here.
Jordan did benefit from some fantastic PR. And yes, Jordan got lucky "retiring" when he did so that his gambling issues were barely made public. And I'm sure that Jordan was "hardly the ideal husband." So, poor Kobe's picked on. Kobe hasn't done anything anybody else didn't do. Jordan was never (as far as I know - I could be wrong) accused of rape.
Kobe Bryant slept with a woman who was not his wife who, at best, was too scared of him to say no in a way that he would understand. He raped her. And then his lawyers let her identity leak out into the media and she was unable to get a fair trial. He raped a girl. He is a rapist. This is no hero. You want to talk about his skills? I guess that's your prerogative. I would much rather hear about all those other guys you say are almost as good as Kobe, but whatever, that's your choice to write about it.
But don't pretend like he didn't earn his bad reputation, or that Micheal Jordan is only liked because he's good at putting forth a false face. The only reason Kobe Bryant was not convicted of rape was because of the way that case was mishandled. Even when it was going on, the announcers couldn't stop talking about "how brave" Kobe was for playing his best "considering all he's been through." He raped a woman. You think he's disliked because he's a bad teammate? Because Shaq left? Players leave teams all the time. He's disliked because he's an asshole. Move on to some other guy already.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I'm a Moody Bitch
At my last appointment with my shrink, she asked if I had experienced any mood swings since starting on the drugs. I said no, other than the week before my period, which is sort of to be expected. Then... um... I had a bad week.
Monday night we went to bowling and actually got out pretty quick - two of our people were out and two were out on the other team so we got through all three games really fast, which was awesome. I got kind of sick Monday night. Not to get into too much gross detail, but I'm lactose intolerant and had pizza at bowling (which I always do and it has never caused me trouble before, but ...). I got up at about one, was hanging out in the bathroom for about an hour and then headed back to bed. By two, my stomach was cramping up again, though there was nothing in there. I think I finally fell asleep around 2:45. Apparently, not long after that, I started having restless dreams.
I'm an active sleeper. I talk, I move a lot and sometimes I walk in my sleep. Monday night, according to Mr, I jumped out of bed to catch someone. I said I was trying to save their life. I don't know.
By 5:20 when the alarm went off, I was TIRED. I walked the dog, got dressed, and headed to work. I was supposed to be there by 7:30, which shouldn't have been a problem, since I was on the road by 6:25. But then I made the mistake of listening to the morning traffic report. They said the Edens was 20 minutes to the junction. Great! I thought. I'll get in even earlier and have less time to make up next week!
That was not the case. It took me over two hours to get to work because of all the crap going on at the Dan Ryan. It seems they shut down all the local lanes and it was negatively affecting traffic everywhere. The feeder ramps were backing up so badly that ALL the roads were f'ed up.
So, I got to work late. Then, because of a computer glitch with the time change, I accidentally left an hour early. Seriously. So, I drove to Grayslake to observe a first year writing course for my teaching class. Then I drove back to the city to go to said teaching class. Traffic. Not good. Another two hours. Actually, a little more than two hours.
So, I FINALLY get home around 10. The weather is lovely and, though I'm tired, I'm pretty happy. I get out of the car. I'm carrying a lot of crap. I can't see the lock to get my key in and am about to drop stuff. I get annoyed because Mr is home and I know Hank alerted him to my presences, so why can't he open the fucking door already!?!
I finally get the door open, and nearly lose all the crap I'm holding. I'm now in a bad mood. Why couldn't he help me? "I was about to and then you got the key in" Arg.
So, I'm trying to stay nice. Throughout the day, I've also been having issues with my flippin' cell phone. The speaker phone is unreliable. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. T-Mobile has to go through all these trouble-shooting processes to test it. Of course, it works when they test it so they can't help me. Someone, around 5:30pm Tuesday, sent me some sort of multi-media message. Though my phone is MMS capable, I don't subscribe to T-Zones, so I can't get it. But, before I discover this, I call T-Mobile.
"Hi. there's an icon I've never seen flashing on my phone and I don't know why and I can't get it to go away."
"What does it look like?"
"Um... It looks like the text-message icon. It's a little book or something, but it has a red flashing rectangle on it."
"Can you hold while I try to look that up?"
"Sure."
10 minutes later
"I can't find a book anywhere"
"Maybe it's an envelope?"
"oh. That means you have a message. Just go to your inbox"
"But I went to my inbox and there's nothing there."
"Um. You'll have to go to T-Zones and look around"
"I don't have t-zones"
"oh. Well, it's in your inbox on t-zones."
"ok. great. thanks"
I hung up. So, when I got home, I wanted to go on T-Mobiles site and try to figure out how to get this flashing thing off my phone. So I ask Mr. "Is your computer here?" (he keeps his computer in the living room most of the time because we have wireless internet and he like to surf and watch tv). He says that it is, but it isn't on, is under the couch (he makes no move to get it) and I'll have to go get the charger because the battery is dead. He just sits there.
So I leave wordlessly to go up to my computer. I'm getting angry. Because if I'm using my computer and then turn it off and he wants to use it, he sees nothing wrong with just turning it right back on. This bugs me because I don't think it is good to turn a computer on and off over and over again. I know that this is a little irrational but... whatever, it's my computer. Of course, if his computer is off, and I want to use it well.. it's off. But, whatever, I start trying to look around and see if I can figure out my phone. I can't. I also can't see when my contract expires and when I can get a new phone. I'm pissed that I paid for this phone, I should have just kept using the old one, and will probably go back to it, but I'm frustrated. I go to bed.
Now the fun starts. Mr is bugging me. I'm super tired and cranky and looking at the clock trying to figure out when I need to get up in the morning. In the morning I need to shower (not really negotiable) walk the dog and get to work. I am sort of pissed because he can sleep until 6:45 and still be on time so why am I getting up before dawn? So, I set the clock, pissed because I'm already tired and not going to get enough sleep. He makes comments about me being angry, which, dear lord, there is NOTHING that guarantees my anger like telling me how I feel. I push him over on his side of the bed. He makes more comments. I stay silent and try to sleep. At this point, I am no longer a reliable narrator, because I said some stuff, I thought I was awake, but apparently, I wasn't. I thought I said "I can't sleep I'm going downstairs."
He says it went more like this:
"Do you even like me anymore?"
"What?"
"I can't sleep. I'm going downstairs"
He comes downstairs a few minutes later and tells me I should go to bed. I went. He stayed. Because he's an insomniac and he really couldn't sleep.
The alarm goes off and I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I decide to be late. I reset it and go back to bed. Continue to hit snooze until I've missed not only my really on-time train but the cutting-it-close train too. I ask him to walk the dog because it is already 7. Sure, no problem. He starts talking about me being angry again. Gah! Now I'm angry again. I was just grumpy from being tired as fuck, but now I'm mad again.
I leave for work. Think about why I'm mad. Decide to not be mad because really I'm just tired. We have some pleasant e-mails. I come home (after a couple beers after work), and am pleasant. He says:
"Is one of the side-effects of your medicine drastic mood-swings?"
Doh.
Another blog has a wonderful description of how I felt. Only the mood-swinger in this post is, I think, four. So she kind of has an excuse.
Monday night we went to bowling and actually got out pretty quick - two of our people were out and two were out on the other team so we got through all three games really fast, which was awesome. I got kind of sick Monday night. Not to get into too much gross detail, but I'm lactose intolerant and had pizza at bowling (which I always do and it has never caused me trouble before, but ...). I got up at about one, was hanging out in the bathroom for about an hour and then headed back to bed. By two, my stomach was cramping up again, though there was nothing in there. I think I finally fell asleep around 2:45. Apparently, not long after that, I started having restless dreams.
I'm an active sleeper. I talk, I move a lot and sometimes I walk in my sleep. Monday night, according to Mr, I jumped out of bed to catch someone. I said I was trying to save their life. I don't know.
By 5:20 when the alarm went off, I was TIRED. I walked the dog, got dressed, and headed to work. I was supposed to be there by 7:30, which shouldn't have been a problem, since I was on the road by 6:25. But then I made the mistake of listening to the morning traffic report. They said the Edens was 20 minutes to the junction. Great! I thought. I'll get in even earlier and have less time to make up next week!
That was not the case. It took me over two hours to get to work because of all the crap going on at the Dan Ryan. It seems they shut down all the local lanes and it was negatively affecting traffic everywhere. The feeder ramps were backing up so badly that ALL the roads were f'ed up.
So, I got to work late. Then, because of a computer glitch with the time change, I accidentally left an hour early. Seriously. So, I drove to Grayslake to observe a first year writing course for my teaching class. Then I drove back to the city to go to said teaching class. Traffic. Not good. Another two hours. Actually, a little more than two hours.
So, I FINALLY get home around 10. The weather is lovely and, though I'm tired, I'm pretty happy. I get out of the car. I'm carrying a lot of crap. I can't see the lock to get my key in and am about to drop stuff. I get annoyed because Mr is home and I know Hank alerted him to my presences, so why can't he open the fucking door already!?!
I finally get the door open, and nearly lose all the crap I'm holding. I'm now in a bad mood. Why couldn't he help me? "I was about to and then you got the key in" Arg.
So, I'm trying to stay nice. Throughout the day, I've also been having issues with my flippin' cell phone. The speaker phone is unreliable. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. T-Mobile has to go through all these trouble-shooting processes to test it. Of course, it works when they test it so they can't help me. Someone, around 5:30pm Tuesday, sent me some sort of multi-media message. Though my phone is MMS capable, I don't subscribe to T-Zones, so I can't get it. But, before I discover this, I call T-Mobile.
"Hi. there's an icon I've never seen flashing on my phone and I don't know why and I can't get it to go away."
"What does it look like?"
"Um... It looks like the text-message icon. It's a little book or something, but it has a red flashing rectangle on it."
"Can you hold while I try to look that up?"
"Sure."
10 minutes later
"I can't find a book anywhere"
"Maybe it's an envelope?"
"oh. That means you have a message. Just go to your inbox"
"But I went to my inbox and there's nothing there."
"Um. You'll have to go to T-Zones and look around"
"I don't have t-zones"
"oh. Well, it's in your inbox on t-zones."
"ok. great. thanks"
I hung up. So, when I got home, I wanted to go on T-Mobiles site and try to figure out how to get this flashing thing off my phone. So I ask Mr. "Is your computer here?" (he keeps his computer in the living room most of the time because we have wireless internet and he like to surf and watch tv). He says that it is, but it isn't on, is under the couch (he makes no move to get it) and I'll have to go get the charger because the battery is dead. He just sits there.
So I leave wordlessly to go up to my computer. I'm getting angry. Because if I'm using my computer and then turn it off and he wants to use it, he sees nothing wrong with just turning it right back on. This bugs me because I don't think it is good to turn a computer on and off over and over again. I know that this is a little irrational but... whatever, it's my computer. Of course, if his computer is off, and I want to use it well.. it's off. But, whatever, I start trying to look around and see if I can figure out my phone. I can't. I also can't see when my contract expires and when I can get a new phone. I'm pissed that I paid for this phone, I should have just kept using the old one, and will probably go back to it, but I'm frustrated. I go to bed.
Now the fun starts. Mr is bugging me. I'm super tired and cranky and looking at the clock trying to figure out when I need to get up in the morning. In the morning I need to shower (not really negotiable) walk the dog and get to work. I am sort of pissed because he can sleep until 6:45 and still be on time so why am I getting up before dawn? So, I set the clock, pissed because I'm already tired and not going to get enough sleep. He makes comments about me being angry, which, dear lord, there is NOTHING that guarantees my anger like telling me how I feel. I push him over on his side of the bed. He makes more comments. I stay silent and try to sleep. At this point, I am no longer a reliable narrator, because I said some stuff, I thought I was awake, but apparently, I wasn't. I thought I said "I can't sleep I'm going downstairs."
He says it went more like this:
"Do you even like me anymore?"
"What?"
"I can't sleep. I'm going downstairs"
He comes downstairs a few minutes later and tells me I should go to bed. I went. He stayed. Because he's an insomniac and he really couldn't sleep.
The alarm goes off and I'm pissed. I'm exhausted. I decide to be late. I reset it and go back to bed. Continue to hit snooze until I've missed not only my really on-time train but the cutting-it-close train too. I ask him to walk the dog because it is already 7. Sure, no problem. He starts talking about me being angry again. Gah! Now I'm angry again. I was just grumpy from being tired as fuck, but now I'm mad again.
I leave for work. Think about why I'm mad. Decide to not be mad because really I'm just tired. We have some pleasant e-mails. I come home (after a couple beers after work), and am pleasant. He says:
"Is one of the side-effects of your medicine drastic mood-swings?"
Doh.
Another blog has a wonderful description of how I felt. Only the mood-swinger in this post is, I think, four. So she kind of has an excuse.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Blah Blah Blah
I figure it's time to write something, before Mavis gets all antsy and tells me to post something. She's very demanding.
It has been a strange week for me. I started it feeling like I would rather have a root canal than go to my job, then I had a chat with my boss which left me feeling somewhat better and motivated to really make a difference in that company, then my school week started and I was all proud of myself for getting all my readings done and getting some of my end-of-the-quarter stuff done AHEAD OF TIME, then I went to the shrink and told her how awesome my new drugs are and how on top of things I am, and then it all fell apart.
Let me break it down for you:
The Job
I try not to talk about my job too much because I've heard of people getting fired for blogging about their job. However, I have no plans for permanent employment at my company (and they know this), and I don't think that this is a fire-able offense.
So, my company has grown a lot over the last decade and a half or so. They went from being really small to being really big really fast. So, the corporate infrastructure has not grown as the company did. This happens a lot. For all the talk about corporate structure, I've found that very few companies have much infrastructure. Mostly, it is all sort of half-assed and un-spelled out, with the exception of a few totally massive global corporations.
My company has been working on creating some structure and training and whatnot. HR scheduled a meeting to review some training courses for several positions in my department, mine included. This sparked a whole discussion on career paths, titles, etc and how they basically don't exist in the company. The HR rep was totally taken by surprise, as this wasn't what the meeting was supposed to be about, but managed to handle it pretty well. HR rep was trying to listen, but convey what the likely reaction from higher-ups would be to what we were asking for. Basically, we should try to create some structures, but it wasn't likely to be as successful as we might hope. What I, and the others who are in my same entry- or close to entry-level positions, heard was: "we don't want to create career paths for your positions because we don't want you to advance because we don't want to ever pay more than we already are for what you do, and we don't want you to take on more responsibility or develop any other skills than what you already have." It was pretty depressing. We left feeling like we were wasting our time there and should really start looking for new jobs. Even me, and I'm in school to get a totally different kind of job and have no plans on developing a career in my current field.
So, when my boss found out my negative reaction, she was a little hurt. The point of the meetings were to develop something for me and those in my position. That I didn't want to be involved anymore sort of upset her, and I can see why. Why should she bother going to bat for me if I don't want to put forth any effort? There are other things going on that I feel like I can't get into here, but ultimately I agreed with her. I left her office wondering how I can get the others in my position to come around and get things back on-track.
Then, I went to class. My week is pretty evenly divided into work and school, so I completely left work behind. Things were going so well for me in school. I had gotten really far behind - I wasn't finishing readings and was always finishing papers and the very last possible moment (in some cases turning it in rather late).
The Drugs
I have ADD. I can usually get by, but last quarter and this quarter it was really, really bad, and I finally went to a psychiatrist to get drugs. I was really nervous about going, because I'm always afraid that someone will finally tell me that drugs won't help, that I'm just stupid and lazy and should just get my shit together. Apparently, this is how a lot of ADDers feel, particularly adults with ADD. In any case, the drugs are working. I have gotten my school work back under control and I'm even getting my shit at work done more efficiently.
The point (see the tangents? this is ADD at work - actually the meds combo'd with caffeine. I'm still not used to changing what I consume because of the chemicals I've added to my body). ANYWAY. The point is that I was back in control. I was so efficient with stuff. Yesterday, I finished revising an assignment by, like 11am. It was awesome. And then.
Falling Apart
And then I realized that I should not have been sitting at my desk working on papers. I should have been at DePaul, in Lincoln Park, observing an undergraduate writing class. I'd already missed the first time I was supposed to go, then couldn't get a hold of the professor for the next week, and now I'd blown it. I was so mad at myself. I'd totally spaced on it.
Luckily, it looks like it will work out. I'm going to have to drive to f'ing Grayslake and turn in my paper late, but I will get to turn it in, which will be better than nothing at all.
The upside is that I'm getting a handle on things. The drugs I'm taking are not miracle drugs. They don't actually do my work for me. But, they do allow me to do what I need to. The good news is that my shrink says that my ADD really only rears its ugly head in times of stress. Apparently, maintaining a job, going to school, and planning a wedding all at the same time is stressful. And I just thought I was lazy.
She recommended a book on adult ADD, which I plan to read over my "spring break" - which is in itself sort of a joke, since we have less than a week between finals and the start of spring quarter. I'm also planning on reading another of the Bridgerton series by Julia Quinn. I deserve a little fun reading.
But now, I've wasted enough of my morning (it's 1pm, but still morning to me!) and it is time to get to work.
It has been a strange week for me. I started it feeling like I would rather have a root canal than go to my job, then I had a chat with my boss which left me feeling somewhat better and motivated to really make a difference in that company, then my school week started and I was all proud of myself for getting all my readings done and getting some of my end-of-the-quarter stuff done AHEAD OF TIME, then I went to the shrink and told her how awesome my new drugs are and how on top of things I am, and then it all fell apart.
Let me break it down for you:
The Job
I try not to talk about my job too much because I've heard of people getting fired for blogging about their job. However, I have no plans for permanent employment at my company (and they know this), and I don't think that this is a fire-able offense.
So, my company has grown a lot over the last decade and a half or so. They went from being really small to being really big really fast. So, the corporate infrastructure has not grown as the company did. This happens a lot. For all the talk about corporate structure, I've found that very few companies have much infrastructure. Mostly, it is all sort of half-assed and un-spelled out, with the exception of a few totally massive global corporations.
My company has been working on creating some structure and training and whatnot. HR scheduled a meeting to review some training courses for several positions in my department, mine included. This sparked a whole discussion on career paths, titles, etc and how they basically don't exist in the company. The HR rep was totally taken by surprise, as this wasn't what the meeting was supposed to be about, but managed to handle it pretty well. HR rep was trying to listen, but convey what the likely reaction from higher-ups would be to what we were asking for. Basically, we should try to create some structures, but it wasn't likely to be as successful as we might hope. What I, and the others who are in my same entry- or close to entry-level positions, heard was: "we don't want to create career paths for your positions because we don't want you to advance because we don't want to ever pay more than we already are for what you do, and we don't want you to take on more responsibility or develop any other skills than what you already have." It was pretty depressing. We left feeling like we were wasting our time there and should really start looking for new jobs. Even me, and I'm in school to get a totally different kind of job and have no plans on developing a career in my current field.
So, when my boss found out my negative reaction, she was a little hurt. The point of the meetings were to develop something for me and those in my position. That I didn't want to be involved anymore sort of upset her, and I can see why. Why should she bother going to bat for me if I don't want to put forth any effort? There are other things going on that I feel like I can't get into here, but ultimately I agreed with her. I left her office wondering how I can get the others in my position to come around and get things back on-track.
Then, I went to class. My week is pretty evenly divided into work and school, so I completely left work behind. Things were going so well for me in school. I had gotten really far behind - I wasn't finishing readings and was always finishing papers and the very last possible moment (in some cases turning it in rather late).
The Drugs
I have ADD. I can usually get by, but last quarter and this quarter it was really, really bad, and I finally went to a psychiatrist to get drugs. I was really nervous about going, because I'm always afraid that someone will finally tell me that drugs won't help, that I'm just stupid and lazy and should just get my shit together. Apparently, this is how a lot of ADDers feel, particularly adults with ADD. In any case, the drugs are working. I have gotten my school work back under control and I'm even getting my shit at work done more efficiently.
The point (see the tangents? this is ADD at work - actually the meds combo'd with caffeine. I'm still not used to changing what I consume because of the chemicals I've added to my body). ANYWAY. The point is that I was back in control. I was so efficient with stuff. Yesterday, I finished revising an assignment by, like 11am. It was awesome. And then.
Falling Apart
And then I realized that I should not have been sitting at my desk working on papers. I should have been at DePaul, in Lincoln Park, observing an undergraduate writing class. I'd already missed the first time I was supposed to go, then couldn't get a hold of the professor for the next week, and now I'd blown it. I was so mad at myself. I'd totally spaced on it.
Luckily, it looks like it will work out. I'm going to have to drive to f'ing Grayslake and turn in my paper late, but I will get to turn it in, which will be better than nothing at all.
The upside is that I'm getting a handle on things. The drugs I'm taking are not miracle drugs. They don't actually do my work for me. But, they do allow me to do what I need to. The good news is that my shrink says that my ADD really only rears its ugly head in times of stress. Apparently, maintaining a job, going to school, and planning a wedding all at the same time is stressful. And I just thought I was lazy.
She recommended a book on adult ADD, which I plan to read over my "spring break" - which is in itself sort of a joke, since we have less than a week between finals and the start of spring quarter. I'm also planning on reading another of the Bridgerton series by Julia Quinn. I deserve a little fun reading.
But now, I've wasted enough of my morning (it's 1pm, but still morning to me!) and it is time to get to work.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
One of Those Days
This morning started out well. I snoozed once more than I should have, but managed to shower and dress fairly quickly. I only put on one outfit, as opposed to putting on pants and a top, deciding the top doesn't work, finding a top I like, but then having to change the pants and then searching for socks and shoes.
I left the house about five minutes later than planned, not bad. I drive to work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because I have class after work. Class gets out at nine, and I don't really like the idea of waiting for the bus or train to get to the train station to take Metra home that late at night.
Driving to work blows. What should be a 25-30 minute drive takes at least an hour and, if I don't get on the road by 6:45, it takes at least an hour and a half, sometimes more. So, I head out, all happy about being on time and planning to get gas on the way, because my light was on and I was low.
I usually go to the Shell station on Dempster, across the street from Notre Dame High School. They aren't always the cheapest, but usually they are so, even if they're a penny more, I'm okay with that, because they are consistently cheap. This gas station is not close to my house, but it is on the way to 94. As I neared the gas station I realized I didn't have my wallet. I went to bowling Monday night and took my wallet out of my purse. Then this morning, when I was switching purses, the wallet was on the floor, I didn't see it and didn't think about it.
So, I kept driving, muttering to myself, wondering what I should do. If I could get to work, I know one of my work friends would loan my money for gas. But would I get to work? Had it not been morning rush hour, maybe, but it was morning rush hour. Did I really want to risk it?
No.
So, I turned around and drove home. By the time I got home, got my wallet, got gas and got back on the road, it was an hour later than when I started.
If you think traffic stinks at 7am, you should see it at 8am. JEEBUS.
I took surface streets as far as I could without risking getting lost (I get lost easily) and then got on the highway.
I got to work at 9:15.
Ugh.
I left the house about five minutes later than planned, not bad. I drive to work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays because I have class after work. Class gets out at nine, and I don't really like the idea of waiting for the bus or train to get to the train station to take Metra home that late at night.
Driving to work blows. What should be a 25-30 minute drive takes at least an hour and, if I don't get on the road by 6:45, it takes at least an hour and a half, sometimes more. So, I head out, all happy about being on time and planning to get gas on the way, because my light was on and I was low.
I usually go to the Shell station on Dempster, across the street from Notre Dame High School. They aren't always the cheapest, but usually they are so, even if they're a penny more, I'm okay with that, because they are consistently cheap. This gas station is not close to my house, but it is on the way to 94. As I neared the gas station I realized I didn't have my wallet. I went to bowling Monday night and took my wallet out of my purse. Then this morning, when I was switching purses, the wallet was on the floor, I didn't see it and didn't think about it.
So, I kept driving, muttering to myself, wondering what I should do. If I could get to work, I know one of my work friends would loan my money for gas. But would I get to work? Had it not been morning rush hour, maybe, but it was morning rush hour. Did I really want to risk it?
No.
So, I turned around and drove home. By the time I got home, got my wallet, got gas and got back on the road, it was an hour later than when I started.
If you think traffic stinks at 7am, you should see it at 8am. JEEBUS.
I took surface streets as far as I could without risking getting lost (I get lost easily) and then got on the highway.
I got to work at 9:15.
Ugh.
Sunday, February 19, 2006
When I Grow Up
I used to work in publishing. I worked for a literary agency in Chicago, acting as the general office manager (sort of – I kept track of interns and ordered supplies), and I was an “associate agent” and handled a lot of the foreign rights crap. My original boss was a wonderful, intelligent and fantastic lady who, unfortunately, passed away about a year and a half after I started. Sadly, she made what I think is one of the few poor decisions in her career shortly before, firing the existing VP and hiring another person who had worked for her before. The new person was a good agent but had/has no head for business. D would freak out over little things, slack off when something didn’t appeal and generally was insecure about those of us who were there first might think we were smarter or better than we really were. This forced D to do crazy things in order to let us know that we weren’t so smart. And the pay was shitty. I mean, nowhere in publishing is the pay good for an entry-level position, but the pay was really, really bad. When I was working for my first boss, this was ok. It was paying my dues and I was learning a lot. It was a field in which I felt I could make a very satisfactory career. With D at the helm, it was soul-crushing. So, I left. I got an internship through my uncle as a Marketing Assistant, which turned into a permanent job. I applied and was accepted to grad school to get my masters in English Lit. I was thinking that maybe teaching really was my passion. However, I can’t seem to escape my former profession – and I don’t want to. I liked publishing. I loved helping people take their writing to another level (not that I got to do that often, but… the possibility was there). I am reminded of this whenever the publishing process comes up in class or one of my writer friends asks me for help.
Today, I read through a short story of a friend of mine. It was a very rough draft, and was unfinished. My friend is a great writer. It was so fun for me to read where she started and talk to her about where she wants the character to go and how to get her there. I love the idea of taking a great piece of work and helping it find its home in the world. So, I was thinking that, if my friend manages to write a novel – which she is totally capable of doing (really, you are) – that maybe I could rep it. Maybe, if lighting strikes and she becomes a New York Times Bestseller, I could really have my own agency.
Alas, I don’t know if this is possible. I’ve already been out of that industry for almost two years and I didn’t have that many contacts to begin with. Everyone who is an agent starts out somewhere else in publishing. I like fiction. I can appreciate non-fiction and of course, as an agent, I would rep it, but if I were to be an editor, I would want to be a fiction editor. Unfortunately for me, there is very little fiction in Chicago. There’s business publishing, some magazines, educational publishing and lots of other stuff I’m not really interested in, but no fiction. The only fiction is way, way, way far out in the ‘burbs – far enough out that, when I interviewed, they basically said they don’t hire people who live in the city because the commute kills them. So, what am I supposed to do?
In a perfect world, these details wouldn’t matter. I would finish school, teach at a community college and slowly build the best clientele ever, working from home. Once I got some steady authors, who I could depend on, I could quit teaching and run my own agency full-time. I’m just afraid that this is not really an option. AND to make matters worse, my old agency is really, honestly, the only successful one in the entire city and surrounding suburbs. Outside of LA and NYC, there are not a whole lot of successful literary agents. It’s tough to get the ear of NYC editors (and they’re ALL in NY) if you can’t take them out to lunch on a regular basis.
So, I’m left wondering: what will happen to me when I grow up? I think I would be a good teacher, and I think I would find it satisfying, but I know that what I really want to do is be in publishing. That thought, however, is always followed up with – but not as much as I want to live in Chicago. I mean, how could I leave all the pizza? It’s really tough. NYC is not an option. I just don’t want to. And California? Um…. No. I’d rather… I don’t know but California is just not an option for me. I’ve already found my home. I like it here. I guess I just have to hope that the rest will work itself out.
Today, I read through a short story of a friend of mine. It was a very rough draft, and was unfinished. My friend is a great writer. It was so fun for me to read where she started and talk to her about where she wants the character to go and how to get her there. I love the idea of taking a great piece of work and helping it find its home in the world. So, I was thinking that, if my friend manages to write a novel – which she is totally capable of doing (really, you are) – that maybe I could rep it. Maybe, if lighting strikes and she becomes a New York Times Bestseller, I could really have my own agency.
Alas, I don’t know if this is possible. I’ve already been out of that industry for almost two years and I didn’t have that many contacts to begin with. Everyone who is an agent starts out somewhere else in publishing. I like fiction. I can appreciate non-fiction and of course, as an agent, I would rep it, but if I were to be an editor, I would want to be a fiction editor. Unfortunately for me, there is very little fiction in Chicago. There’s business publishing, some magazines, educational publishing and lots of other stuff I’m not really interested in, but no fiction. The only fiction is way, way, way far out in the ‘burbs – far enough out that, when I interviewed, they basically said they don’t hire people who live in the city because the commute kills them. So, what am I supposed to do?
In a perfect world, these details wouldn’t matter. I would finish school, teach at a community college and slowly build the best clientele ever, working from home. Once I got some steady authors, who I could depend on, I could quit teaching and run my own agency full-time. I’m just afraid that this is not really an option. AND to make matters worse, my old agency is really, honestly, the only successful one in the entire city and surrounding suburbs. Outside of LA and NYC, there are not a whole lot of successful literary agents. It’s tough to get the ear of NYC editors (and they’re ALL in NY) if you can’t take them out to lunch on a regular basis.
So, I’m left wondering: what will happen to me when I grow up? I think I would be a good teacher, and I think I would find it satisfying, but I know that what I really want to do is be in publishing. That thought, however, is always followed up with – but not as much as I want to live in Chicago. I mean, how could I leave all the pizza? It’s really tough. NYC is not an option. I just don’t want to. And California? Um…. No. I’d rather… I don’t know but California is just not an option for me. I’ve already found my home. I like it here. I guess I just have to hope that the rest will work itself out.
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